My husband didn't tell me about his kids


March 21, 2017

Dear Pastor,

I am 36 years old and I am married to a 41-year-old man. I was living with my parents and trying to save my money to buy a house. When I was 35, I told my parents that I wanted to go on my own. I am an only child. My mother told me that if I am leaving home, I should not go far away from them. Before I could discuss the matter with my father, my mother had already told him. My father asked me why I was ready to leave, and I told him that I wanted to have the experience of living alone.

Right in front of my mother, my father said that he believes that what I really wanted was to have the privilege of having a man coming any time at my house and wanting to sleep with me. I denied it, but Pastor, that was part of my problem because my father was very much against any man sleeping in his house with me.

My boyfriend and I decided to get married. His parents and my parents gave us a wonderful reception. One year after, my husband got another girl pregnant while I was also carrying his child. This man has four babymothers, but I was not aware of it. He did not tell me about these children.

I am so unhappy. I don't know what to do. I cannot continue to live with a man who has so many babymothers. Two of these babymothers call the house at any time. The children are always in need of food and medication. I could not bear it any longer after one of the girls cursed me when I told her not to call back my house. I told my mother about the situation, and as usual she told my father.

My parents told me to come back home. They say that I should think of divorcing him. I don't know what to do.


Dear Z.D.,

You mentioned what your parents told you to do now that you have found out about your husband's children. The question is: Do you still love this man? And if you do, are you willing to forgive him? Your relatives are shocked to know that this man fathered children before he married you and you were unaware of it.

I know that you love and respect your parents, but please, tell your husband that you are not happy and you would like both of you to go and see a family counsellor. If he agrees to go, and you see changes in him, you may consider giving him another chance. Don't be in a hurry to walk away from your marriage.


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