Just found out I don't know my real dad


March 25, 2017

Dear Pastor

I was going through my mother's belongings. She suffered a stroke and has finally passed on. I had all her papers at my house. One day I decided that I should check on what she had put away.

My mother was a very private person. She did not talk much about her upbringing. She only had two of us, one brother and myself.

We grew up believing that we were of the same father and mother but it is only after going through old letters, I found out that my father was really not my biological father.

My mother met my father just after she got pregnant by another man. He took her and married her and took care of her and grew me up as his biological daughter.

pregnant by another man

My mother never said a thing to my brother or myself. Nobody in the district knew. None of my aunts or uncles seem to have known that my mother had got pregnant by another man.

I was christened in this man's name. I went to school in this man's name. He loved me. He never spanked me.

I remember doing something that was very bad and my mother spanked me for it and he was so upset and he told her not to do so again.

And she said to him "you spoil this pickney. I don't have to spank her when you are around."

It is a letter that I saw that my father wrote my mother many years ago about me when he was in England, and she never destroyed it. That is how I found out.

My brother and I are very close. I was shocked when I read the letter. I thought of calling him and asking him if he knew he is really my half-brother but I decided to write to you first for your suggestion.

Respect to you, pastor. I hope to hear from you.


Dear A.S.

From the time you were in your mother's womb, the man who married your mother accepted you as his child.

You have no other father but this man and as far as your mother was concerned, he is your father. The other man, whoever he might be, can be considered as a sperm donor.

If that man and your mother were lovers and had a good relationship, she would not have got involved with the man who accepted you as his daughter.

Growing up you didn't know this other man, so you didn't miss him. Your mother didn't say anything about him. Your father didn't say anything about him either.

Whether he is alive or dead shouldn't be important to you. Don't say a word to your brother. That may change the close relationship that both of you have had.

Bless the memory of your father and your mother.

I hope you would not waste your money trying to find out who was this man who got your mother pregnant. If it were possible, your mother would condemn you for doing so from her grave.

Remember that she was a very private woman.


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