My mom needs a new man in her life

Dear Pastor

I am 17 and my mother is 38. My father broke up with my mother when she was pregnant with me. He took care of me occasionally.

When my mother was six months pregnant, he married a woman who came to Jamaica but the marriage did not work. He was waiting on the woman to file for him but after five years of waiting, he gave up on the woman.

He tried to get back to my mother but she rejected him and by that time, she became a Christian. She was hoping to get married to a pastor but because she had me out of wedlock, the bishop discouraged the pastor from marrying her. My mother's heart was broken.

Now the pastor and his wife have broken up and he told my mother that if the bishop did not get involved in his life, both of them could have had a happy family.

My mother is now seeing a man who is 52. She says that she is with him because she is tired of feeling lonely and she wants to get married before she is much older.

This man does not go to church and he is divorced. The first night he slept over at our house, the following morning my mother asked me not to say anything to anybody and she asked me to forgive her for breaking her promise that she would never sleep with a man in our house because she was trying to be a good example to me.

But because of this man's age, she was 'trying him out' to see if he has any use. She wanted him to go home after he had his time with her but he fell asleep.

My mother never spoke to me that way before but she told me that I am her best friend and that I am not a child and that I have to know the truth.

My mother hugged me and cried and I felt sorry for her. My mother said loneliness is a terrible thing.

V.E.

Dear V.E.

I'm glad to know that your mother and you have a good relationship and that she feels comfortable in talking to you about her love life. She knows that very soon you would be 18 and an adult.

I am sure that it took her a long time to get over what your father did to her.

Although he did not fully support you, he didn't totally abandoned you. He gave you money occasionally. I hope that you would love both your parents.

I don't understand why the bishop discouraged the young pastor who was in love with your mother from marrying her. I believe that your mother would have made him a wonderful wife.

I can't blame your mother for rejecting him after he got his divorce. She probably considered him a 'washed up' man and she did not want to marry a kitchen rag.

Now the 52-year-old man is in her life. I wonder why she believed that because a man is 52 that he could not function well and she had to try him.

That was the big mistake that she made. Whatever she did to him that night caused him to feel exhausted and he fell asleep.

Forgive your mother. She has made mistakes but try not to follow in her footsteps.

Pastor