I have never had an orgasm


April 19, 2017

Dear Pastor,

I am a regular reader of your column but this is the first time that I am writing to you. I am a 29-year-old mother of two wonderful daughters.

My problem is that whenever I am having sexual intercourse, I can't reach an orgasm. I have never reached an orgasm. I know that the problem lies within me because my partner is very great in bed.

We could go for a very long time having sex. I enjoy everything but I just can't climax. We talked about it. He plays with me during intercourse but nothing happens.

I would love to experience it. What makes matters worse is that I heard that it is a wonderful feeling.

Pastor, we don't know what else to do so I decided to write you for some good advice. Thank you. I am waiting for your response.


Dear M.B.,

I have addressed this matter on many occasions but I know that this problem would arise. As long as men and women are having sex this problem will always arise.

You write as if you believe that you are non-orgasmic. Only a very small percentage of women are non-orgasmic. Studies have shown it is just about 15 per cent.

You say that your man has done everything during lovemaking. I gather that he spends time in foreplay. There are many couples (including Christian couples) that do not believe that they should use their hands to arouse their women or have anything to do with sex toys.

However, if a man knows how to make love, it is likely that he would cause his woman to reach orgasm.

Having said the above, let me hasten to say that I have taken note of what you say about sex. You do enjoy having sex but your friends have told you that you are missing something because you have never reached orgasm.

Many women would agree with them. I would prefer not to recommend certain things that you can do and your man can do to you that would cause you to reach orgasm forever, and never to complain again.

Perhaps you should buy books on family life that would address this topic or your partner and yourself should make an appointment and go and see a sex therapist. Let me, however, say one thing to you that would open your mind.

You see that part of your body that is called the clitoris, it is very powerful. It has no biological function. God has given it to you. God has put it into you for one purpose, and one purpose only, and that is for pleasure. I'll say no more.

If you have tried everything and failed you should make an appointment to see a sex therapist. What you are trying to experience is elusive right now but it will not be forever.

But that is all I'm prepared to say to you right now.


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