Can't decide which man to choose


April 21, 2017

Dear Pastor,

I have been listening to your show for 10 years. You have taught me much. I am 30. When I was 17, I started to have sex. My brother and I were living with our grandmother.

One day, I knew that my grandmother was going to be out, so I told my boyfriend to come by because I was going to be alone.

One of my grandmother's friends came to see her and she kept calling, but because my boyfriend was with me, I did not answer.

My boyfriend and I had sex. I did not know the lady was sitting in the yard waiting on my grandmother. She saw when I opened the door and let my boyfriend out.

When he left, she asked me why I didn't answer her when she was knocking. I told her that I didn't hear her. She did not say anything.

When my grandmother came, she told her I was locked in the house with a man and I refused to answer when she was calling.

My grandmother only warned me not to bring trouble on her. But trouble came, because I got pregnant by the man. He took care of his child.


He went abroad and got married to another woman. I went on to teacher's college. His marriage did not work. Now he wants me to marry him.

I do not know what to do because I have a steady boyfriend. At the same time, I would like to get married, but I don't know how to break up with my present boyfriend.

He hasn't done me any wrong. I don't know him to have another woman. He doesn't have a good job, but he is very loving and kind and my son respects him.

My child's father is 10 years older than I am. My present boyfriend is two years younger than I am. I would love to have another child, so I feel so confused.

Please help me to make the right decision.


Dear C.S.,

Do you still love your child's father? I ask the question because you have not said whether or not you still love him. Why did he leave you and marry another woman?

Was it because she was living in North America and he saw that as an opportunity to live abroad? Whatever might be the reason, he still loves you and he believes that if both of you were to get married, he would be able to spend more time with his son. I am only guessing.

Am I to assume that you still have feelings for this man? I believe you do. If you didn't, you would have told this man to forget it because you do not wish to have him in your life.

I am assuming that you love your present boyfriend, too. Is it love or do you appreciate him because he is kind and loving? This man does not have a good job and he doesn't have his own home.

I want to suggest that you weigh this matter carefully and ask yourself whether you have a future with your present boyfriend or if the future would be brighter if you were to accept the proposal of your child's father, marry him and go abroad.

Which of these men do you love more? Who would make you very happy? Answer these questions, then make your own decision.


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