My babyfather is abusing me


April 21, 2017

Dear Pastor,

My babyfather is an abuser. He behaves like a bully. He is always saying mean things to me and whenever I dare to say anything to him, he refuses to listen to my opinion regardless of what it is about.

If we have a disagreement and I am upset and in the night he says he wants sex and I refuse, he holds me down and takes it.

Pastor, I am tired of him and I need your advice.


Dear K.M.

The basic problem is that your child's father does not respect you. He doesn't respect you as an individual and he doesn't respect your opinion. He doesn't value your opinion at all.

Perhaps he is like so many other men who think that women are silly and whatever they say should not be taken seriously.

Men who take that position are ignorant. They don't know better and what is very sad about them is that they are not willing to learn, because they see women as persons who should be seen but not heard.

Your boyfriend has you to satisfy his sexual urges, to take care of the home in which you live, to cook and to wash his clothes.

And as you can see, if you object to his behaviour or his sexual demands, he would beat you up. He doesn't respect you enough to understand that when you say no, it is no.

And if you are forced to have sex with him, that is rape.

I am going to suggest that you tell this man that if he is not willing to change, you would leave him. If you are not at present working, try to get yourself a job.

You did not give your age, but women should not accept what a man dishes out to them, so to speak. Some women find it very difficult to move on because they totally rely on men for everything.

I hope that that is not true in your situation. If it is, you need to learn to empower yourself by getting a skill.

Tell your boyfriend that you are very unhappy and you need for both of you to go see a family counsellor. If he refuses to go and continues to curse you, put plans in place to leave him.


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