I am a jacket

by

April 25, 2017

Dear Pastor,

I have been listening to your programme on the radio from I was very young. There is so much I want to talk to you about. I will talk to you about what has been bothering me for quite a while now. Even as I write, I can feel my anxiety kicking in.

I don't know my biological father. I know it is the same for a lot of people out there, but it affects everyone differently. I have the last name of a man who is not my biological father, and I recently found out who is my biological father.

I was not aware of this over the past years. I was told this man, whom I believed was my father, has migrated from Jamaica to work. Since then, no one has heard from him; they lost touch.

As I grew older, I literally searched on the Internet for his name hoping to find him, but I never had any luck. One day, I realised that some people on my social media page have the same surname as me. They were also

mutual friends with my mother. I spoke with one of them on several occasions. She was referring to me as their cousin. I asked my mother if I am related to them and she said no. I continued to search, but I still didn't have any luck.

I must say it was quite difficult as well, because even if I had found someone whom I thought I was related to, how would I approach them?

One day, I decided to ask a close relative if she knows anything about my father. She said she knows him very well and even knows where he lives. I was so excited, but on the other hand very nervous. I was also a bit mad, because if my relative knew that the man I called father was not my biological father, they could have told me who my father is. They made me curious. Regardless, I was grateful for them telling me.

We made arrangements for my relative to take me to my father's house in Jamaica so I could get to meet him. She did, and I got in touch with him. I was over the moon. As we conversed, he asked if my mother never told me about him. He also said he always asked to speak to me, but my mother didn't allow him.

I looked at his pictures. I knew I didn't look that much like him but I was so happy, I didn't even question it. I have been looking for my father for a period of time and I think that I have finally found my father; I can't be too selfish to question every single detail. I kept asking him why he didn't try to get in touch with me and he told me to ask my mother. I must admit that he is a nice person.

My mother didn't know about the arrangements or that I have been searching for him. However, my unanswered questions from the man I thought was my father probed me to ask her if the named man was my father. She replied by saying no and that she will explain. Without going into details, this was what happened. This man and my mother were together from a very long time. They broke up for a while, they both moved on, she got pregnant; the real father didn't seem interested.

Family issues

They got back together and he took me as his own child until they broke up again due to family issues.

I felt humiliated, thinking how I thought I had found him. I deleted everyone with the same last name as me because I felt embarrassed as it turned out that these people were related to him. I only kept him (the man whom I thought was my father) on my Facebook out of respect, and for all he has done for my mother and me.

Now, my mother has done well and I love her so much. However, I can't help but feel that sometimes single mothers, who have done very well with their kids and everything overall, may feel that it is not important for the child to know his/her biological father if he wasn't there. I am not asking to go out and find him, but I wasn't told about him and she didn't tell me the truth.

I am now 24. Did she not once think that it is fair that I deserve to know that my last name is not that of my biological father?

C.C.

Dear C.C.,

You have had the desire to know your biological father. This desire has been in your heart for many years. You think that your mother has not treated you well by withholding so much information from you. Although you love her, you believe that the relationship between your and your mother would be strengthened if she would just come clean and tell you the truth.

Tell your mother that you have been searching to find your biological father and you are appealing to her to tell you the truth. Remind her that you are 24 years old and you would like your children to know the truth about your father, etc.

Don't get angry if she becomes angry. Don't let her put you off for another time. Tell her you will wait until she has calmed down, but you will never stop asking until you have found out the truth. Assure her of your love. God bless you.

Pastor

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