My mother dislikes my older, fat girlfriend


April 28, 2017

Dear Pastor,

I am a 30-year-old man and I am in love with a 40-year-old woman. She has three children, but I don't have any. My mother has two boys, our father died when we were young.

My mother became friendly with a man who was much younger than her. He used to come and sleep with our mother, and we did not like it.

One day, my brother and I told him not to come back. He told my mother what we said, and my mother told us we should learn to have respect.

He came back a few times, then he stopped. My mother had it hard with us. She was a higgler and we used to help her to sell in the market.

This lady I am friendly with sells in the market, too, but my mother does not like her. She says I do not have any ambition. When my mother became sick, she came to the house and helped her; and now that she is feeling better, she still says that she does not like her. Her children respect me.

I don't like girls in my age group. I had two of them and all they wanted was money. I give this lady money, but not all the time. She gives me more money than I give her.

She is very fat and she always asks me if I love her fatness. I don't know what to do, because she has started to go to church.

She wants to get baptised, but she says the church will not baptise her unless we get married or she leaves me. I asked her what she prefers, and she says it is up to me.

She is not forcing me to get married to her, but we could not sleep together again if she gets baptised. I am not ready to get married.

Baptism was on Good Friday. The next baptism will take place in June, and she does not want to miss that baptism.

I write to you because I need your advice.


Dear W.D.,

Your mother should learn to appreciate this woman because you are a grown man, and this woman is the one you have chosen to be your wife.

Your mother should not behave as if she has the right to choose for you. Your spouse is overweight, and she is conscious of that and she talks to you about it.

That is a matter that both of you should work on. You should encourage her to go to the doctor and get a reducing-diet plan. If you really love this woman, you have to show her that she does not need to worry, because you accept her just as she is.

The major concern, however, is her desire to get baptised. The church has refused to baptise her unless both of you are married or she ends the relationship with you.

You claim that you are not ready to get married. I believe what you are saying is that you do not want anyone to force you into getting married.

If that is the case, tell the woman that you prefer to end the relationship with her and set her free. You would have to weigh this matter carefully before you make a decision.

Perhaps what the both of you should do is to go and see her pastor and discuss this matter before you make a decision. I wish you well.


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