My dad wanted sex from me


May 01, 2017

Dear Pastor,

Blessings to you. I am a 16-year-old girl who reads your column daily and is now writing to you for help. I am in a situation at the moment that has me puzzled.

At the age of 15, my mother got pregnant with me by a man that she didn't introduce to me until I was 14 years of age. When I met this man, pastor, I was overwhelmed, but he wasn't feeling the same, because he asked my mother why she waited so long to let him know me. My mother told him that she had told him, but he was just not listening.

He wanted to pay 50 per cent of the cost to do a DNA test. My mother was willing to pay the other 50 per cent because he wanted to prove I am really his child. After a while I heard nothing more about the DNA test, and I didn't even bother to ask.


This man took me in with open arms. I even worked for him during the holiday and also on Saturdays. One day, he asked me to go somewhere with him; when I went with him, he brought me somewhere else and told me that he doesn't want to spend his money on me as a daughter, but as his lover. He asked me to make love to him and I resisted. He took me back home the same day and told me not to tell anyone. As I stepped through my mother's door, I told her what happened.

The police got involved. They took a report from me and locked him up. From that day onwards, I don't know what transpired, but all I know he is a free man now. But here's my problem: I met his mother and despite what happened, she spoke to me but always tells me not to let anyone know that we are talking with each other.

The other day I was at home and she called and told me that I should call my father and let him know that I want to bond with him, and that I am willing to do the DNA test.

Pastor, she told me not to tell anyone, but I told my grandmother by my mother's side; my grandmother said I should not call him. I am puzzled and wondering why I should call this man to bond with him. Isn't that a bit weird? Each time I am around this man or talk to him, I am going to remember what he tried to do to me.

What am I to do, pastor? Please tell me.


Dear R.D.,

When this man's mother suggested to you that you should call this man who you were told is your biological father and tell him that you would like to bond with him and do the DNA test, you should have told your mother. That is not something that you should be hiding from your mother. Whether or not this man is your biological father, he ought not to be trusted. And although you are now 16 years of age and would like to know whether or not you are his biological daughter, you cannot be careless and give his mother or him the impression that you would keep your mother in the dark, so to speak, and follow their suggestions.

His mother is trying to befriend you. Perhaps she wants to know for sure whether you are indeed her son's daughter. You should listen, but do nothing without letting your mother know what they are asking you to do. Everything must be done above board and not to embarrass your mother. Therefore, I urge you to tell your mother everything and to do so right away.

I am afraid I cannot encourage you to trust this man who tried to rape you. And I congratulate you for reporting him.


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