I want to marry my boss

by

May 05, 2017

Dear Pastor,

I am 44 and I am a Christian. I have three children for three different men and they are all boys. The last boy is still in high school. The others are out on their own.

The first one is living with his girlfriend and working. The second one is learning a trade. They are good and loving children. The first one helps me; even my second son gives me what he can sometimes.

My youngest son has good brains and his teachers are proud of him. I am a caregiver. I started out as a helper for a couple who were returning residents.

They wanted somebody to help them three times per week. I went and I got the job. His wife became ill and I took care of her, but she died.

My youngest son was allowed to live with me and the man loves him.

One day, my son told me that it looked as if the man loves me. I asked him how he knew that and he said by the way he looks at me and treats me.

Although he was paying me, he also gave me money to help send my son to school.

This man is 76. He is not very strong. I am getting to love this man, but he said that he is not interested in getting married again because he has promised his children that he wouldn't remarry.

I have suffered much, Pastor. Only my middle son's father supported his child. The others didn't care. I moved from place to place. This is my first stable job. I even tried higglering, but I wasn't successful.

This man and I don't sleep together when my son is around. We do what we want to do during the day. I told him I do not want my son to lose respect for me so we cannot sleep together.

This is a loving man, he pays me more than what he had agreed to pay me when I just came here. And it is the first time I am able to send something to the country for my mother.

One of his relatives came to Jamaica and stayed at the house. She suspected that something is going on between us because whenever she calls, she is always asking me personal question about him, but I don't make her any wiser.

I am afraid she might tell others about it. I hope they would not ask me to leave this job because I am trying to save to buy a house of my own and to help my last son to go to college.

I am hoping that this man would change his mind and marry me because I am taking good care of him.

K.J.

Dear K.J.,

You have been very fortunate. You have a good job. You are very fortunate that they have allowed you to bring one of your children to live with you.

This man knows that you need the help so he is not only paying you well, but helping to send your son to school.

It is not unusual for children to tell their parents not to remarry. That's very common, especially if the person is much younger than their parent.

There are good reasons for discouraging their surviving parent. I have mentioned these things before in previous columns.

Sometimes the children feel that it would have affect what their parent would have given to them in their will.

They may feel that the younger person is not marrying their parent because of love, but because of the material things they would enjoy and get. Sometimes it is just a matter of fear.

They are afraid that a younger person would not be faithful to their parent. He or she may keep a younger person on the side, so to speak. The fear is real.

I don't want you to get angry with this man's relatives.

Time and time again, I have had to counsel people who have got married to older persons and the children have not treated them well. It can be a big mess.

So please do not try to pressure this man to marry you or do anything that will destroy the good relationship between this man's children and him.

I would suggest that you encourage him to discuss with his relatives that he respects their opinion, but he has found himself in love with you, so they should discuss his situation among themselves and tell him how they feel about him getting married to you. They need to tell him what is the way forward and how should you and he handle the relationship.

Pastor

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