Still in love after my wife divorced me


May 10, 2017

Dear Pastor,

I am 50 years old, and my wife divorced me. I have not seen her in 10 years. We had one daughter together, and she is my angel. She told me that her mother has got married again. My daughter sends me the divorce absolute to prove to me that her mother has divorced me, and she said, "Daddy, move on with your life."

I find it hard to move on. I have had several women since her mother and I broke up, but her mother is the only one I have truly loved. We were going together from we were teenagers. We took each other's virginity.

We pledged that we would never leave each other. We own our home together, but then she went to America to visit relatives. She said she was coming back, but then she decided that she was going to stay there.

I have a woman friend. She is 40 years old. She has never been married. She is good company, but I don't love her. The feelings that I had for my wife are not the same for this woman. As I said, I have gone through other women since my wife let me down, but I can't say I love them.

This woman want us to get married, and my daughter is encouraging me to marry her. She is so clean. She keeps a clean house and takes care of my clothes. She has bought her own house. She would have to rent her house and come to live with me because I am not going to live at her house. Her house is in Portmore.

Mark you, Pastor, I can't blame this woman for anything. My feelings for her aren't strong. How can I improve my feelings for her? I don't know if that is possible.


Dear R.E.,

Evidently, you have not got over your wife. There is no question in my mind that you genuinely loved her, and she has disappointed you in every way. What your former wife has done is rather common. Women leave their husbands in Jamaica and go abroad and don't come back, and then they divorce their husbands and get married again. That totally ruin the relationship they had.

Men do the same. They have good families in Jamaica, but they go abroad and become involved with other woman and divorce their lovely wives in Jamaica. And often these relationships don't last because of the cultural differences, and so it is not uncommon for a West Indian man or woman to divorce three or four times after they have destroyed their first relationship with their West Indian men or women.

My brother, you haven't moved on, but you must. You are not getting younger. Love is much more than feelings. You must have some criteria for the type of woman you would love to have. If the woman who is present in your life meets your criteria, get married to her.

It appears you have a good relationship with your daughter. Talk freely about this woman with your daughter, and she may tell you how she feels, and why you should marry the woman.

Don't trust your feelings because feelings may come and go. Look beyond feelings.


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