My 16-y-o daughter had sex on my bed


May 12, 2017

Dear Pastor,

I am 33 years old and I am having problems. I am a security officer. I have children, but I have to work because the father of my children is not supporting them. My boss is very helpful to me, but it is creating a problem at my workplace because he tries to set my duties in such a way that I can have more time to spend with my children.

Pastor, I don't own a home. My first daughter is 16 years old, and I found out that she is sexually active. I asked her and she admitted it. I also asked her who the guy is and she told me. I am ashamed to tell you what she told me.

This man came into my house while I was at work and had sex with my daughter on my bed, and my other children didn't even know that he was there. She told me the truth because she was afraid I would beat her. I asked her why she did not go somewhere else with him. She said it was because he has another woman in the community and she did not want to be seen walking with him. He is a bad man and people are afraid of him.

Right on my bed, my 16-year-old daughter had sex with a man. I was hoping that I could send her to university because she has a good brain, but her good brain is not helping her. She said the guy used a condom. She loves him, but I don't see what is in him to love.

He gives her money, but I don't know where he gets money from, because he is not working. He is about 30 years old. If I had anywhere, Pastor, I would send her there to get her away from this man. But she wouldn't want to go.

I am ashamed to tell you, Pastor, that years ago, I had sex with this guy's father. Our relationship was short. But we went to a dance and I had a few drinks, and I slept with him before he took me home. I could not tell her, but when she told me that this guy had sex on my bed, I cried because here it is, his father had sex with me, and his son had sex with my daughter.

Pastor, I can't beat her. I would have to beat myself.


Dear N.G.,

Comfort your heart. You have tried your very best to support your children. You are working very hard, but life is not easy. I do not know why you have not taken the father of your children to court for maintenance. I believe that is what you should have done.

I am sure that you suspect that your 16-year-old girl, who is sexually active, did not get involved with this man because she loves him. Whatever she did with him was for money. She probably felt that what you were giving her wasn't enough. It is so sad to know that she agreed to have a relationship with this man when she knows that he has another woman in the community.

I would not even comment on what you did with this man's father when you were young. I know that you regret the sexual encounter you had with him.

Please don't send your daughter to stay with anybody. Let her stay in the city so that you can keep a watchful eye on her. And encourage her to speak to you about love, sex, etc. And don't give up on her.


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