My babyfather wants me to give up my other child

by

May 18, 2017

Dear Pastor,

I listen to your programme on radio and I read your column every day. I am a single mother. I got my first child when I was 20 and my second when I was 22, and now I am on my third child and I just turned 25.

My mother is not good to me. She called me 'guinea pig'. Two of my children are for one man. My mother is very jealous of me.

When the man first started to come to our house, my mother told him that although I am her daughter I am not a good girl, so he should be careful.

CALLED HER A LIAR

When my baby was born, my mother told him that the baby doesn't resemble him. When he told me what she said, she denied it. My boyfriend called her a liar and did not come back to see me at the house.

I shouldn't have got pregnant so fast with the third child, Pastor, but I went to see him and he did not have a condom, and I slept over with him and that was the result.

So it is not that I am bad, as my mother tries to tell people.

My boyfriend is now building a house for us. But he says he cannot manage the three children, so I should give the first one to his father. But, Pastor, I cannot leave my child behind.

I told him I prefer to stay where I am than to leave my firstborn.

NO MORE MARRIAGE TALK

At one point, he used to talk about us getting married, now he is not saying that anymore. He is under pressure from his own people not to take my son with me.

He doesn't want to take care of other people's children. But he is a good boy.

My father told me I should let the boy stay but I am afraid my mother will ill-treat him, because she is spiteful.

Pastor, I am going to stop myself from having more children. Sometimes I sit and cry. I don't know what I would have done without this man.

Should I leave my son or leave this man? I am hoping to hear from you.

T.M.

Dear T.M.,

I would like to say first that I would like to discourage you from doing the tubal ligation operation to prevent yourself from having anymore children.

That operation is too permanent for a girl who is at your age and is unmarried. Granted, you have three children, but your circumstances can change and you may want to have more children.

I understand why your boyfriend might not want you to come and live with him with the three children. But you are quite right not to want to leave your first child behind.

However, don't fight your boyfriend over it. Just be firm in telling him that you would rather not live with him in his new house than to separate the family.

On the other hand, if you are absolutely sure that your father would take care of your son and your mother would not abuse him (and I don't think she would), you may consider changing address.

It would be better for you to get married to this man first before you move in with him. Raise that matter with him as soon as possible.

Your mother is a troublemaker. She ought to be ashamed of her behaviour.

Pastor

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