My man's family doesn't like me

by

May 22, 2017

Dear Pastor,

I am 24 years old and my boyfriend is 27. We've been together for the past eight years. Hands down, he is amazing and I love him a lot.

He does everything that he should and we communicate very well with each other. We have talked about getting married when I finish my degree, but I have explained to him that I don't want to marry him because of how his family reacts to me, and he gets hurt whenever I say it. They really don't like me.

I thought I was the problem, but I have tried talking to or greeting them, but they refuse to even say hi to me. Moreover, if his siblings do say something, it's some disrespectful comment about me or suggestions for him to find another girlfriend. His sister even referred to me as a devil worshipper.

When I complained to him, she said I was lying and that I am too soft and defensive. Anytime I have an encounter with my in-laws, my boyfriend and I end up not speaking for a day or two, but we always seem to ignore everything afterwards and go on with life.

Due to this, I have tried my best not to go to his house at all because I don't want to argue with him. I don't even stand at his gate.

When he buys anything for me, he has to get it to me immediately because they will either give it away or use it, even if my name is literally written on it.

I would love to know how to approach them or talk to him about their behaviour without getting embarrassed like I have been numerous times before, or end up losing him forever.

If he asks me to marry him again, I want to comfortably say yes without any 'buts'. I don't want to lose him then have to start over, because I think he is in the small percentage of good men out there.

Thanks in advance and continue to do good. I am looking forward to reading your next column.

K.P.

Dear K.P.,

In your first paragraph of your letter, you say that your boyfriend and you communicate well, but as you continued, I can see that both of you do not communicate well.

What I see is that both of you are in love. There is no question about that in my mind. You think highly of him and he thinks that you are allowing how his relatives feel about you to affect the relationship.

I do not doubt that some members of his family do not appreciate you and may even prefer to see him date another girl. However, they may have a point that you are too thin-skinned. Perhaps there are things you should ignore.

Some families do not respect the privacy of others and that could be true in this family. They ought not to go into something that is wrapped and clearly identified as yours.

But perhaps they do not know that they shouldn't open same. For example, some sisters would never use another sister's belongings, because they were taught to respect privacy.

But in some families, it's a free for all. I hope you are getting my drift.

Always remember you cannot change this man. If you love him, you have to accept him as he is and try to deal with the areas in the life of both of you that you do not understand and need help.

And speaking about help, I believe that both of you should make an appointment to go and see a family counsellor.

You are not perfect and this man is not perfect, but if both of you love each other and are willing to compromise, you will have a good relationship.

Pastor

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