The courting game has changed

February 12, 2016

There was a conversation at my office this week that involved a colleague, who is a former beauty queen, and we were discussing how some men approach the 'game'.

She related, quite hilariously, that she was out running errands when she was approached by a man. He related to her that he had seen her while driving by, drove back around to near where he had seen her, managed to find parking and came running just in time to meet and greet her.

He then cut to the chase and asked for her number. It was almost as if the 'sacrifice' he made of doubling back, struggling to find a parking spot and then hurrying to catch up with her warranted her handing over her number. Much to his chagrin, she didn't, and rightfully so too.


serial killer


How did she know that he is not a stalker or serial killer or rapist or a woman beater? This is not to say that he is; he may well be the man of her dreams, but she could never know that in such circumstances. He did find out where she worked, so maybe the game will continue. But it raises the question of whether the whole art of courtship has devolved from what it used to be in the recent past.

There was a time when meeting a desirable young woman and getting her to go out with you required a certain set of skills. One had to possess sharp wit, a bit of cunning and eloquence that would enable a young man to joust with a woman he wanted to become acquainted with. If he lost that joust, then he would just have to settle for licking his wounds and moving on.

I know first-hand what it feels like, having lost a bruising encounter on the UWI Mona campus with a young woman who is now one of Jamaica's leading presenters. I thought my A-game was going to be good enough, but she struck me down with one brutal stroke.

I am no longer in the game, having found the woman of my dreams 14 years ago. So, I would not be surprised if my magic had waned, but the way I see some men go about it these days, it makes you wonder if those skills that were so prevalent among my peers have now disappeared.


previous generation


I also wonder whether women have become more aggressive and really do not desire to be courted the way women of the previous generation required. I mean, I have seen girls throw themselves at young men they find attractive in recent times.

So, perhaps the game has changed, which could explain the approach of this anonymous suitor my colleague spoke about. Maybe he did expect her to hand over her number because that has now become the norm. Gone are the days when one had to work to get into a woman's good graces, getting her number and eventually into her life.

If that is truly the case, then a great era would have passed. There is something to be said for the game of courtship when it was played between men and women of like minds. It helped both men and women to learn more about each other before actually entering into any form of relationship, no matter how short.

In some ways playing the game actually helped build proper relationships, ones that lasted longer than overnight. They helped build friendships and eventually families, which is never a bad thing. Change is inevitable, but the game is one thing that truly needs to stay the same.

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