Flights are no fun

July 20, 2016


Listen nuh, friends and family. I man just flew in. Yeah, I am back on terra firma, and it feels good. And, look here, nuh, reflecting from experience, I can tell you that flying is not all fun.

Fi real, folks. Travelling on a plane is an interesting experience that can be quite positive or totally negative or a little bit of both, depending on your perspective. For example, some people are able to totally bask in experience. They can pause to enjoy and admire the technological wonder of being on a massive iron bird that carries hundreds of people while soaring hundreds of feet through the clouds. Those people look forward to window seats from which they can enjoy the eagle eye view. Other folks, on the other hand, are so petrified that they just shut their eyes tight for the duration and pray that it ends quickly and safely.

Now, imagine if the person at the window seat is savouring the spectacle and commenting happily, and the person in the aisle seat is one inch from a seizure and grabs on to somebody each time the plane dips or shudders. And imagine if you are the person sitting in between them! Hear mi nuh, man. I love humans, but even if you're totally a people person who loves being around others, being locked up in an airtight vessel for hours while absorbing the sights, smells and sounds of 180 other people can be a serious test to one's tolerance. Trust me.


chemical warfare


And, as I have said before and will say again, snoring loudly is bad enough, but it should be illegal for people to fart on a plane. It's tantamount to chemical warfare. Yeah, man! Cutting rotten cheese on a plane (or even in an elevator) is a wicked and unconscionable act, and perpetrators should be fined or jailed! Of course, the person policing such infractions would have to be able to tell beyond the shadow of a doubt who is the guilty breaker of noxious wind. And that may entail conducting confirmation sniffs of other people's derriere like my high-school industrial arts teacher used to do when somebody squeeze off a 'toosh' in metal work class. Yeah, it's a rotten job, but somebody ought to do it! What you stink? Sorry, ah mean, what you think?

Yes, peeps. Summer is a great time to travel. Schools and colleges are out, and hundreds of people have more time on their hands. And it seems like everybody is travelling to somewhere. Everybody plus their entire family. And many of them are going via plane. Every trip during this summer period therefore means dealing with the sound clash of screaming babies, laughing toddlers, talkative teens and loudly praying grandmothers.

Then again, such discomforts and inconveniences pale when we consider the fact that we live in a world where planes disappear, terrorists operate with seeming impunity, and all kinds of disasters seem so commonplace. So I'm going to stop complaining. I'll just sing that lovely and irreverent song written by Eric Idle and sung by Monty Python, Always Look On The Bright Side Of Life. Wah you say?

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