Stop ignoring warning signs in your relationships

January 10, 2017

Everywhere I go, it seems single women everywhere are trying to find husbands. The average single woman in her late 20s or early 30s typically starts becoming concerned about her lack of a partner. It doesn’t help that her friends are getting married, and that the movies, books, even customers and colleagues at her job are dropping hints everywhere telling her that she needs to become attached.

The pressure gets even more blatant when these women become a part of a religion. It goes from a desire to an obsession because they want to stop “living in sin”. While I encourage women to be clear with their desires and to go after their goals, I am concerned that this quest for marriage is causing some of them to ignore important warning signs because they are trying to nab a mate. 

In the wake of repeated reports of women dying at the hands of their partners, I can’t help but wonder if these women had any warning at all that their lives were in danger.

Based on the words and behaviour of their partner, would they have been able to save their lives if they had paid better attention to the warning signs or red flags? I suppose it’s easier said than done, and it’s difficult to actually predict how someone would act in a situation. But what if we started paying attention? What are some of the warning signs that we can look out for? 

If you just met the person and they need to know the identity and relationship you have with everyone they see you speaking to, that’s cause for concern. If this person asks you to report your location and who you’re with throughout the day, they have serious trust issues and I would definitely pay attention to that. 

Irrational anger
If your new partner goes from being relaxed and jovial to irrationally angry in seconds, be careful. If this reaction is influenced by your refusal to do something they ask you to do or if you disagree with something they say, I would run.

Quick to strike
Some people are not very good at expressing themselves verbally, so they tend to get physical. If your partner hits you once and gets away with it — even if they apologise — the odds of them repeating it is very high. This behaviour also has a tendency to escalate, so one strike may turn into two which, given the opportunity, can develop into a full blown beating.  

If your new partner starts to tell you who you are allowed to talk to and which of your friends and family members you cannot have visit you, that is a major red flag. Keeping your loved ones away from you is a very effective way of having complete control over you, and it takes away your support system. 

In many cases abuse is something that happens over time, and the abused feel very isolated and lonely. So, check up on your relatives, call to see how they are doing and visit when you can. Sometimes just the fact that someone is concerned is enough to motivate a victim of abuse to leave and get help. Let’s play our part in helping these victims and ultimately save their lives.  

Send your questions or comments to or tweet me @drsexyann or Facebook,, website:


Other Commentary Stories