My boyfriend wants kids, I don't want any more


March 09, 2016

Dear Pastor

This is the first time I am writing to you. I have been reading your column for a long time. It has been helpful. I have learnt a lot. My boyfriend never used to read it but, since we became friends and he sees me reading THE STAR, he has started to like it.

Sometimes he doesn't agree with you, especially when you try to open the eyes of young girls. I also listen to your show at nights. I can't go to bed unless I listen to you. Nothing goes on between us until your show is finished.

My boyfriend and I are 23. He is working but sometimes his work is not steady. He might work for three months and then off for a month or two.

I have a steady job. I have two children by two men. When I got pregnant with my first child I was not ready. The man was married. I gave the child to one of his relatives. I promised him I would never tell his wife I got pregnant by him.

We did not do any paperwork. They have had the child for five years. My second child is living with her father. I see her every week. She is well taken care of. Sometimes she spends time with me.

The man I am living with wants a child. I don't want any more children until I am married. He said he will marry me, but every time we have a little fuss he says we should break up. I can't deal with that. I told him that one of these days he will come home and not find me. He doesn't think I am serious. How can a man love someone yet whenever they disagree, he tells her to leave? I am so fed up of him.


Dear M.P.,

I am sorry you gave away your first child. However, you have explained that you did so to please the biological father. He, I assume, was afraid to tell his wife he had fathered a child. You now feel that you made a big mistake. I gather you would like to get back your child. If you feel you are in a position to take care of her, you can approach the people who have taken care of her and ask whether they would consider giving her back to you.

If they make a fuss, you should not push the issue. They may work something out with you. Perhaps you could suggest they keep the child throughout the week and give her to you every weekend or every other weekend.

Concerning the man with whom you are living, I wish I could find something to praise him about. What does he do for a living?


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