My best friend had sex with my husband!
I am 40 years old and I am asking for your advice. My husband is 45 years old. We have been married for 15 years. This marriage has not produced any children. I have a friend who has three children. I am the godmother of one of the girls so she is always at my house. She is like my real daughter. Sometimes everybody will stay over. Sometimes when my husband is away I invite everyone to come over and stay with me. The children often would stay at my house. We attend the same church.
Whenever I go away, I would buy clothes for everybody. This woman and I wear the same size, and sometimes when she is going out she would call me and ask me if I have anything that she could borrow and wear. Even when she borrows some of my clothes, I don't bother to take them back. I tell her to keep them. I allowed her to wear my shoes. When I ask her for my shoes, she asks if she can keep the shoes too. Sometimes I say yes, sometimes I say no. I did not know that she had eyes on my husband until one day I saw a text. When I saw it, I thought she was saying that she met a guy and had sex with him. But I soon discovered that the text was for my husband. Part of it read, "You made me feel so good. The sex was so sweet. You made me feel like I was young again. So-and-so is so fortunate to have you. I hope we can do this again soon."
When I saw my name in the text, that was when I realised that this girl had sex with my husband and she wanted him to know how good he was in bed, and she wanted more. I called her and asked her about the text she sent. And I asked her how long my husband and herself have been having an affair. She denied having an affair with him. When I started to curse she hung up the phone. When my husband came home, I told him I heard from so-and-so. And I asked him the same question: how long the both of you have been having an affair? And he said they were not having an affair. I told him that she said that they have had sex. And he said, "That girl is a liar. She wants to mash up our married life." He asked me to show him the text but I did not because I wanted to keep it as proof, and he would delete it.
It is now six months that my husband and I are sleeping in the same house but not together. I am cooking his meals and doing everything for him but we hardly talk. The children have not been back to our house either. When I go to church, I don't say a word to her.
I have never told anybody that she was having an affair with my husband. My husband has begged me not to say anything to anybody. This woman was my best friend. I used to hear other women say how their best friends took away their men. She will never be able to take away my man. And he has too much to lose to leave me. I don't know if he is seeing her but I doubt it. He is home on time every evening. And he calls me when he has to go anywhere. Sometimes I have to pretend that everything is all right between us when he and I go out to function.
Oh, Pastor, he is such a lovely man. I am so disappointed in him. I told him we should go for counselling. He said he will go but I need to give him some time. And I should tell him what I will tell the counsellor. Please give me your advice. He reads your column all the time and has respect for you.
First of all, let me commend you for being a very helpful and intelligent wife. This lady friend of yours has enjoyed your generosity. You were very helpful to her and her children. You were more to her than a godmother to one of her children. You were kind and helpful to her family in every way. It must have come, therefore, as a shock to realise that this woman was having an affair with your husband.
You have kept this matter between your husband and yourself. You could have shamed him and shamed her. She has denied having sex with your husband and he said that she is crazy. What he is trying to say is that she has lost her mind and it is because she is not rational why she would send such a text. I am sure you know better and he knows better, too. He is just caught. And sometimes when a man is caught, he talks nonsense. I believe that you should still impress upon him that both of you should go to see a professional. The relationship has broken down. You have continued to be a good wife in the sense that you are taking care of him and the home, etc, but you do not have peace of mind. Frankly, what he needs to do is to admit his infidelity and give you time to learn to forgive him and trust him again. You might even find it difficult to forgive the woman but that can be done if he would first admit to you his wrong. I am sure that this affair has taught you a valuable lesson. And that is, never to be careless with your mate. And often it is your best friend, who is so close to you, who hurts you the most.