Addicted to sex
I'm taking time to write to you, part one, of four, of my life story, and why I think I really need help.
I have visited numerous counsellors. I knew exactly what they would have said before they did. This is because I worked in the community among a lot of young adults, who I have helped to find their way through society. I get them work, counselling and coaching so they can have a better life.
I grew up in the country in a very poor community. My father left my mom and went to the United Kingdom. He got married to someone else and didn't take care of us.
When I was 12 and attending primary school, an older woman had sex with me. She was 20. I didn't know what to do. She did everything.
It felt good, so I didn't tell anyone. She grew up in Kingston and it seemed she was exposed to a lot of things we country kids were not exposed to.
This continued until I was 16. However, after that I got baptised and was very active in the church. I learned to play music and preach. Ialso sang at school, conducted devotions and played at numerous concerts for a very popular gospel singer.
I stopped having sex during that period, until one night after performing at a concert I met a young woman. I was 19 and she was 17.
I offered to take her home and she agreed. We had sex on the way. After having sex, she said she thought I was a Christian. I felt really horrible and bad. The burden was so much that I even thought about committing suicide. I thought if I died I would go to hell.
It took me a year before I started looking at another girl, sexually. Imet a girl who was older. She was 28 with four kids. She was the best-looking person around. Everyone wanted her, but she was dedicated to one man.
One day I was joking with her and asked whether I could take her to the beach. She responded by saying, "Whenever you're ready. I wanted you to ask me that a long time ago."
I can remember that day like yesterday. We went to the beach. We were the only ones there and we ended up having sex.
After that the only thing I thought about was sex. Since then, every girl I ask for sex gives in to me. I even make bets on girls and make money from these bets.
One day I made a bet with my friends that I would have sex with at least one girl from every Caribbean island. At that time I was drifting from church. I still attended but was less involved in activities because guilt was killing me.
A few months later I got an opportunity to go to the United States. I didn't have any relatives there, and didn't know where I was going. However, I met someone who was willing to put me up until I could find my way.
With US$100, I was on my way to the United States. I was still having sexual urges and kept thinking of the sex I had with my friends in Jamaica.
The young man has a sister, who was 16 at that time, and I was 21. I mentioned sex to her. She told me she had never had sex before but was willing to try. We had sex and got caught by her mother.
As time went by, I moved out and got enrolled in school. I was learning, but having sex with a lot of girls and teachers. That was when I realised I had an addiction. I started to think I was cursed because I had backslidden and God didn't love me anymore.
I remembered the bet I had made with my friends in Jamaica. I started to seek out all the girls from the Caribbean and, as time went by my list got shorter.
I met a young woman who is now my wife, for some reason, I was not interested in sex that much anymore. It was all about her. I told myself that I would stop. I will send the second part of my story next.
Dear Sex Addict,
I am prepared to refer you to a Christian psychologist. If you were, indeed, a committed Christian, the life you are now living does not, at all, portray the type of lifestyle a Christian should practise. Therefore, you need to go back to God.
I am not condemning you, but I am very concerned and hope you write again to continue your story. Tell me if you are willing to go see a psychologist. I will make the necessary arrangements. I assure you of my prayers.