My pregnancy makes it hard to leave my boyfriend


March 23, 2016

Dear Pastor,

I am 23 years of age and live with my boyfriend. He is almost twice my age. In the past few months, our relationship has been rocky, with both of us constantly arguing. Things began to get better between us until two nights ago. He works on cars for a living.

One night in particular, I called him minutes after 8 and he said he would be home in an hour's time. At minutes to 10 he did not show up, so I called his phone but he did not answer. I rang the phone several times until it eventually went to voicemail. I knew he saw me calling because his 'last seen' status on WhatsApp Messenger showed him being online sometime after 9 p.m., and I tried calling him before that time.

He did not reach home until after 12 midnight. I asked him where he was coming from and he said he was out with his male friends. I found that rather hard to believe because if he really was with his friends, he would've answered his phone and told me so. I am not sure if he was with a woman because he was still in his work clothes and still sweaty and greasy.

I do not trust him. He has cheated on me in the past and has broken the trust I had in him. I am trying to rebuild the wall of trust I had in him, but each time I do, he does something that breaks a piece off the wall which is still 'under construction'.

My real concern, though, is that I am deciding whether or not to finally break it off with him. I am almost five months pregnant with his child and I do not have a job, so I have to depend on him for my livelihood. He is not mean to me, but whenever we argue and are not on speaking terms, he does as he pleases and does not take care of me. During those times, he shows no concern about whether I eat. He would go out and fill his stomach then come home to sleep. I would not care about his behaviour had I not been pregnant with his child.

I am unsure how to deal with this situation. I would love to have this baby with or without his help, but I can't take care of it on my own. I have not been successful in finding a job as I keep failing the interviews. I become a nervous wreck each time and find it hard to express myself verbally. I am not sure if this is something that you can help me with. I would appreciate your help.

I am not looking for money from anyone, just a job that can allow me to rent somewhere on my own and get me back into a school where I can learn to sew, or even open a store to sell the things I sew so that I can provide a healthy home for myself and my unborn child.


Dear S.S.,

It is not going to be easy for you to get a job during your pregnancy. It is not impossible, but hardly likely. If anyone is willing to offer you a job, he or she would only be doing so out of love, because he or she knows that you might not be able to give your all on the job; and you will need time to visit your doctor. On the other hand, someone have accommodation and might be willing to help you by taking you in on a temporary basis if you were forced to leave where you presently live. However, it does not appear that your boyfriend is asking you to leave. You are contemplating doing so because you feel that your boyfriend is cheating and is ignoring you.

The incident you mentioned about him not answering his phone is not something you should make a big issue about. He told you he was hanging out with his friends. He might have been lying, but at the same time he could be speaking the truth. That is not something you should blow out of proportion. He knew that you were calling him, but probably felt that you could give him a break. Some men are like that. And some of you ladies often believe that the moment a man does not answer his phone, he is hiding something or he is with another woman, that is not necessarily so.

I want to give you a word of warning. Don't throw this relationship away. You do not have a perfect man and you are not perfect, either. But your man is not a bad man. He has his faults, but hang on in there with him. Don't fuss and carry on. After you have given birth, both of you may go to see a family counsellor. But I would not suggest that you leave now. However, the decision is solely yours.


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