Boyfriend too tired for sex


March 30, 2016

Dear Pastor,

I write to you with utmost confidence in your discretion and hope that this email finds you well. My boyfriend and I have been together for two and a half years and we are having a wonderful time building a life together.

However, in the last six to eight months he has not been satisfying me sexually. This frustrates me very much, not because I really want the sex, but because I don't know what has caused the sudden change. In the first 16 months, we couldn't get enough of each other. And although I expected, that after some time things would have boiled down, I wasn't anticipating it to be this early. We are both in our early 20s and have already accomplished quite a bit together, but his seemingly lack of interest in sex baffles me.

We have spoken about marriage and he expressed that he is not yet ready. But how are we to progress to that when, in such a short time, he seems to have lost interest in one of the main areas of a relationship. I asked him about it a number of times, and each time he says he's just tired physically. But I don't know how I feel about that answer. That causes me to wonder if he is actually tired of having me.

The worst part about the situation is that when we do have sex, he lasts between five and 10 minutes, and then he reaches his pleasure even when I haven't.

I anticipate your response with some advice or insight into the matter.

Puzzled Girlfriend

Dear Puzzled Girlfriend,

I think I should point out to you that very often when two people meet and are dating and they begin to have sex, the relationship, and the sex in particular, might be hot, but after a certain amount of time has elapsed, the fire may die down and not even the steam may be felt. A relationship that is built around sex will hardly last. And it does not matter how many different positions the couple have tried.

I gather from your letter that you love this man, but he has gotten tired. He has put out his best, but his best is not good enough for you, you want more. And I can understand why you are questioning how he can say that he would marry you when he does not have the stamina to satisfy you in bed. Sex is what you want more than anything else and he is coming up short.

Both of you are in your early 20s, so there is still hope for this relationship if both of you genuinely love each other. Both of you should sit and discuss your future and plan together. Don't even mention the matter of sex. You give the impression that you are hot. I don't mean that you are bad, but you don't understand that a relationship is much more than just sex. Give this relationship time to grow and you will be surprised that if your attitude is right, your boyfriend will get to love you more and would not want you out of his sight. I say no more.


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