19 and with a 52-year-old man

by

April 06, 2016

Dear Pastor

I am 19. I have a boyfriend. We don't live together but I go to his house every other week to spend time with him.

I live in Manchester. He lives in Kingston. We have been friends since I was 17.

He has a wife but she is not living in Jamaica. She calls him every day. Even when I am there she calls but thinks he is there alone.

He buys me whatever I want. I told him I would like to go back to school. He agreed but does not like what I want to study. I have eight passes. He has children but they are not living in Jamaica. He is 52 but very strong. He has a helper. I have seen her there.

One day I went there and she was watching me. I told him about it. He said I should not pay her any mind.

I love this man so much. My mother told me I should 'eat him out' and leave him but I can't do that. My mother had five different men. All of us children have different fathers. She is not a good example to us. This man told me if his wife does not come back he will marry me.

I am trying to behave myself and not listen to my mother.

G.T.

Dear G.T.,

This man told you he is married. He did not try to hide that from you. I can see you're a poor girl but trying. I commend you for doing well in school.

I cannot encourage you to continue in this relationship with this man, although I understand your situation.

What I will encourage you to do is to try get a job and go back to school.

Your mother should be ashamed of herself. The only advice she can give to you about this relationship is to encourage you to 'eat out' this man and leave him.

Perhaps that is why none of the men by whom she had children did not stay with her. Perhaps she 'ate them out' and they left her or they realised there was nothing good in her, so they ran for their lives.

This man has promised to marry you if his wife does not come back to Jamaica. Don't hold on to this promise and allow your young days to go by.

Try and reason with this man and let him assist you in whatever area you like. I hate to say this man might be fooling you. Perhaps he might not. I really don't know.

What I do know, for sure, is that he still has a good relationship with his wife. That is why whenever she calls and you are there with him, he does not want her to know you are there.

Pastor

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