Afraid to tell my mom about a guy I'm seeing

by

April 06, 2016

Dear Pastor,

Greetings in the mighty name of Jesus, our soon coming King. I am 18. I attend pre-university.

Over the years of reading your column, I am pleased at your responses.

I have been a Christian for more than five years. I've been through a lot, but I insist on holding the faith.

I am currently seeing someone I have an interest in. I know he feels the same about me. We've been friends for a couple of years. We've decided to take our relationship a step further. He is 23. He knows that I attend church and I'm a Christian.

The work he does allows him to see me on weekends. I suggested to him that it would be good if he started attending church with his mom whenever he's not working on the weekends.

He agreed and has started attending church whenever he is not working. The problem I am having is that I would love to talk about this relationship with my mom, let her know what is going on in my life.

Unfortunately, we do not have the type of relationship in which I feel I can talk to her about any and everything.

She treats me like a child. She is over-protective, demanding and very inconsiderate.

I am a very mature young woman and I have never embarrassed her or allowed her to feel like she is not a good mother. Yet, she treats me like she doesn't trust me.

I don't know if she knows I am dating right now. Pastor, am I committing a sin to date at this age?

Is this young man too old for me? What do you suggest I do about the relationship I currently have with my mother?

A.R.

Dear A.R.,

I believe your mother is overly protective. It is a problem that so many teenage young women face with their mothers as they grow up.

Mothers do not mean any harm. They are just slow in coming to realisation that their daughters are moving from childhood to adulthood, so they continue to talk to them as if they are still children. When girls enter adolescence they do not like to be treated as children. That is why they resent being called 'a child'. So, please, do not resent your mother because she is not showing you the type of respect you feel is due to you.

When you have become a mother, you might not even remember you had written to me about the relationship you are having with your mother.

However, I hope you use the knowledge you are gaining now to help you to have a better relationship with your daughter/daughters.

I encourage you to tell your mother about this young man. You don't have to tell her you are dating. However, if she asks you if you have been going out with him, you should speak the truth. You should, at least tell her he likes you, that you like him and have been encouraging him to go to church.

Ask her how she feels about your having a boyfriend. However, don't be surprised if she discourages you by telling you she would prefer you concentrate on your studies because you will have lots of time in the future to think about a man.

If that is her response, don't argue. However, at least suggest to her that the guy and yourself could be good friends, but not go steady.

A wise mother would not object to that suggestion. If, on the other hand, she discourages you, don't argue at all. Let the love you have for this young man remain in your heart. If he is serious about you, the love he has for you will remain in his heart, also, until the right time comes. I wish for both of you the very best. Work hard and make your mother proud. Don't try to hide away or anything like that to spend with this young man. You will be playing with fire.

Pastor

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