My wife refuses to discuss our problems


April 15, 2016

Dear Pastor,

I need your advice with a situation I am experiencing. I have been married for almost six months and my marriage is not going the way I would want it to go in terms of communication between my wife and me. If I ask my wife a simple yes or no question, she finds it hard to give me an answer. She answers me with a question, and when she does this, I get upset.

I can't have ill feelings against anyone, no matter the circumstances. I am a very forgiving person. Each time my wife and I have an argument, I try to end it as quickly as possible because I do not want to go to my bed with ill thoughts on my mind.

She, however, will go to bed and wake up for days still upset about the argument. No matter how I try to have decent conversation with her, just the look on her face turns me off. I told her that since we have a problem, we should seek counselling, but she turns down my request. Therefore, there is no need for you to refer us to anyone.

During the Easter holidays, I went to my mother's house. While there, my brother told me of the challenges he was experiencing with his babymother. He said that she is hard-working, but when it comes to communicating, she has no reasoning ability. He said he would rather have a lazy woman who he can reason with.

I shared this conversation with my wife, who took offence to the reference to her. I didn't confirm nor deny her suspicion. I instead remained silent.

Pastor, all I need is someone that I can reason with and have a good conversation with. I know I am not perfect. I too have my faults, but if my wife and I can't communicate, our marriage will not go in the right direction. As the saying goes, "a simple trash blind eye." Sometimes some simple little things cause marriages to fall apart.

We are both Christians and I am not going to lose my faith. I believe that God will help us to find our way as I truly believe our marriage can work if we fix this issue.

Unhappy Husband

Dear Unhappy Husband,

How can God fix your marriage if both of you are not prepared to go for counselling? God does not work that way. God had raised up professionals to help human beings resolve their problems. If a person is ill, he or she needs to go see a physician. He or she may pray, but the physician is trained to tell him/her what the problem is. If surgery is needed, the patient should be prepared to undergo surgery.

From what you have said, you have a very arrogant wife. She is behaving as if she has absolutely no sense at all.

What both of you need is to understand is that your problems are not beyond resolution. However, your attitudes must change. Therefore, while you may pray and ask others to pray for you, it is unlikely that anything permanent will happen unless there is a change of path.

How can your wife claim to be a Christian and be so arrogant? May I suggest that both of you take time to read that famous passage in the bible on love. It is found in Corinthians 1, chapter 13.

Although you said that counselling will not help, I suggest that you speak to the pastor of your church on the matter.


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