I'm 19 and my boyfriend is 49


April 22, 2016

Dear Pastor,

I am 19 and my boyfriend is 49. He is a good friend of my uncle who grew me.

My uncle sent me to school. When my uncle's wife died he asked my aunt to take me. I told my uncle I would stay with him. He said no, I am a girl. I was 15 at the time.

I went to live with my aunt but my aunt did not treat me well. I had to share room with two of her children. When I was with my uncle and his wife I had my own room.

I called my uncle and he spoke to my aunt. She was vexed because I told my uncle how I felt. She sent me back to him.

I was in charge of everything. I had to cook for my uncle but he got somebody to wash. I love my uncle so much. I didn't have to hide anything from him.

The man who became my boyfriend asked my uncle for me. My uncle did not agree but saw how this man and I were moving. He told me everything about the man and about a woman he had.

Everything he told me, I asked the man and he said, "He told you about that too?"

My aunt said my uncle is a wicked man to have encouraged me to go with this man but it was my choice.

Pastor, my uncle said that I should not go to live with him unless we get married. This man wants me to come and live with him. He and my uncle had a disagreement over that.

He started to tell people that it looks like my uncle wants me. It's not like that. Somebody told my uncle who told me. When I asked him, he said it was not true, they were lying on him.

I have never had sex with him. I went to his house and he wanted to have sex with me but I told him not yet. He told me we would have to break up because he can't buy "puss in bag".

Please give me a straight answer. Should I continue with this man? I can't say I love him. I was trying to love him but I don't like what he said about my favourite uncle and I don't like what my aunt is saying either.


Dear R.B.,

I am glad your uncle has taken very good care of you even after his wife died. He is a good man and you appreciate him, and rightly so. He felt you needed the guidance of a woman and that is why he tried to get his sister to take you in.

I have observed that you have not said anything about your parents. Perhaps they are abroad or you prefer not to talk about them.

I could understand why you did not want to stay at your aunt's house. I am glad your uncle was willing to take you back. When he realised that his friend was interested in you, he cautioned you but he realised that nothing he said would have made a difference.

Your uncle has given you sound advice. He is not encouraging you to go and live with this man and not married.

If this man really meant you well he, would not encourage you to live in concubinage with him.

You claim you do not love this man. You should tell him so and not try to force yourself to love him. He thought your uncle would have pushed you into this relationship but your uncle is wise. I believe he made the remark about your uncle wanting to have a relationship with you. You do not know your uncle to be a liar.

I suggest you close your mind against this man. You are a young girl. You have a big future ahead of you. Go back to school, get your education. This man just wants to get under your skirt. I cannot encourage you to go further with him.


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