Wife doesn't know I am the helper's child's real father
I am writing to you for the second time. I am a big fan of yours. I have been reading your column and listening to your show for years.
I have a problem. I am married for 10 years. I have one daughter. Five years after I got married my wife went away for two weeks and I had a brief relationship with a day's worker and she became pregnant.
At first she told me that I was the one who got her pregnant, so she can't carry the pregnancy because she has her boyfriend and I am married.
She said she needed $15,000 to terminate the pregnancy. I withdrew the money from my account and gave it to her. I thought everything was over.
My wife came back and everything was going smoothly between us. The day's worker did not show up when my wife came back. My wife asked her why and she said she was not feeling well but she would come the following week.
When I saw her at the house, she said she wanted to talk to me. She told me she did not do the abortion because the man she is living with believes that the child is his so she is going to carry the baby because he wouldn't know that she had sex with another man. He believes the child is his, and it might be.
It is three years now and the child resembles me. My wife even says that to me but I have to be denying it and taking what they say as a joke.
I know my wife would never forgive me for going to the day's worker.
Although my conscience is bothering me, I must tell you that when you look at this woman any man would go to bed with her. She has a lovely shape and she is only doing this kind of work because she did not get the opportunity to go to college.
What can I do about my child? Very often, I give the mother money to help take care of him. She does not refer to him as my son, but I know what I know and she knows what she knows, but her boyfriend has never questioned her about him.
You are right to say you know what you know and this woman knows what she knows. Both of you know the real parents of this little boy.
You can be hypocritical about it, you can try to hide it but people are not fools. You may never admit it to anybody but that does not mean that folks are going to stop talking about it.
This woman has given to her man a jacket with waistcoat and all. He is wearing it proudly. He doesn't have to be ashamed about what he does not know.
He probably loves the boy very much. Perhaps when he grows older he would hear what people are saying and would question his mother. Perhaps that would never happen. He would accept his stepfather as his biological father but your conscience might never be free.
I would encourage you to continue to assist his mother. See that the boy gets an education. Your marriage might be at risk so I am not going to tell you to tell your wife that you believe that you are the biological father of the child. Perhaps one day you might feel comfortable to do so but right now if you can live with your conscience, you should keep quiet. And remember, if this woman should tell her boyfriend what both of you did he might kick her out of the house and your son would be on the street, so to speak.