Can't believe my teenage step daughter is having sex


May 05, 2016

Dear Pastor,

I have a 15-year-old daughter. She is not really my biological daughter, but I am married to her father and I took her from her careless mother when she was five years old. Her father and I don't have children, and I realised that after we got married he was still seeing her mother.

When I spoke to him, he told me that he only goes to visit his daughter. So I offered to take her, and her mother gave her up gladly. My husband didn't have any reason for going back there anymore, but he always spoke about her. And he would tell me how she is struggling. He sent money for her with the gardener. The gardener told me that he has given him money to give her because they live close by.

I sent this girl to the best school. I worked as an administrator. When she was 10 years old I got her a visa. I took her with me to the United States. Those who do not know that I am not her mother would think that she is my child. This girl is always interested in boys. When she was 14 years old going on to 15, I was going through her bag and I found a pack of condoms and one of them was missing. It was in the bottom of the bag. I told her father what I saw and he said nothing. I was very unhappy. Two weeks passed and when she was gone to church, I searched her bag again and saw only one condom left in the pack. I could not wait for her to come home. I blew my tongue. I threatened to beat her. My husband restrained me. The girl lied. She said she did not know how the condoms got into her bag and they are not hers. This girl is 15 years old now and she has a boyfriend.

I do not know how she could have boyfriend and do so well in school. I asked some of her friends and they all know her boyfriend. They have boyfriends too, and this girl is going to a prominent high school. Her father talks to her and they have a good relationship. I know he told her if she gets pregnant he is going to send her back to her mother and she said she is not going back there. When I was growing up I never had a boyfriend until I was 17 going to 18.

What do you suggest I do?


Dear F.L.,

I suggest that you continue to be a good mother to this girl. She is very intelligent. She has been sexually active and evidently, she has been having sex for many months, but she has learned to protect herself. She has been talking to older girls and listening to certain programmes, etc. She knows that the condom is one of the safest contraceptive methods. She should not be having sex, and those who are her sexual partners should know that they can be charged for having sex, with her because she is underage. Sixteen years old is the age of consent. At the moment, she cannot consent.

Her father seems to be very quiet. He is talking to her, but he is not as vocal as you. I believe that you should get the biological mother to also have a talk with her daughter. You see, this girl may not say it to you, but in her mind she may listen to you and respond inwardly by saying that you are not her mother so she can do whatever she wants and you can't talk to her. I commend you for looking into her bag.

From time to time the bags of children are to be searched by their parents. You should also make an appointment with a family counsellor and the entire family should go to see him or her. I know I may come under severe criticism, but I am going to say it nevertheless. If you were to see condoms in her bag again, don't take them away. You are not giving her permission to have sex, she has already made up her mind to do so. She might be saving herself not only from pregnancy but from sexually transmitted



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