My wife won't let me see her naked


May 07, 2016

Dear Pastor,

I am 26 years and a Christian. I try my best to live a Christian life. I make mistakes here and there. When I was in university and away from home I was out of money. I had sex with older women, two of them to be exact, who helped me out.

One of them tried to hold on and didn't want to let me go, but I tried to show her that it would not work because she was my mother's age and I wanted to have children. Both women were white.


The other woman only wanted me to have fun with her. She gave me money but I could only get money if I had sex with her. She loved to use the 'F' word all the time. Whenever I said I needed something, she would invite me to have sex with her. I did because I was in need.

When I met the woman who I married, we agreed we would not have sex until we got married. She was a virgin. I seriously went back to church. The only thing we did was to kiss. I never asked her for sex.

Pastor, they, say a man should not 'buy puss in bag. My older brother told me I should not marry her until I knew something about her. I told him I knew all that I wanted to know. He laughed at me. I know, for sure, that she was a virgin when we got married.

That is not what I am writing to you about. I am writing to ask you how to handle a problem I am having with her.

She is 22. We have been married for six months and I have never seen her vagina. She does not like to have sex in the day. She always wants the room to be dark. Whenever I try to look at her, or even play with down there, she accuses me of trying to examine her and I am not a doctor.

One night after having sex, she fell asleep. I raised her nightgown and put on the light. She woke up and became very angry.

I know she is not deformed but why doesn't she want me to see her naked? What should I do? Please, Pastor, advise me. I love my wife very much but after six months isn't it time for her to show me herself?


Dear R.F.,

I am going to ignore what you said about these white women. There are many such women. They don't have to be white. They love to have affairs with younger men.

You ended up marrying a young woman from the church. I doubt very much that the way she is conducting herself comes from the church.

Which church would tell a young married woman that her husband should never look at her private parts? He is her husband.

I can understand that a young woman can have inhibitions, but it does not take a long time for her to get over her inhibitions.

However, let me correct myself quickly because there are, indeed, some women who feel that it is not ladylike to be naked in the presence of their husbands. However, this is a young woman, who should be happily married and enjoying her husband. Something is radically wrong.


On the other hand, you will have to exercise much more patience with your wife. I don't mean that you are wrong to have this desire to see her naked, but it would not help the relationship to try to force her to do what she does not want to do.

You are a young man and would want, I am sure, to do certain sexual positions. Those positions would, naturally, lend themselves for you to see a woman's private parts. I don't have to mention what they are here. I doubt very much that you would want to be doing the missionary style every day.

You said she does not like to have sex in the day, so perhaps she would gladly do such positions at nights where you cannot see.

Oh, Lord, you've got a big problem on your hands! Perhaps, what you can do is insist to make an appointment to see a family counsellor who would explain that it is important for you to learn to trust each other, nothing is wrong if both of you were to see each other naked and that sexual intercourse can be done anytime - day or night.


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