My man is much too jealous


May 17, 2016

Dear Pastor

I am 22. I have a boyfriend. We have been living together for six months. He has always been kind to me but he is very jealous. I can't go anywhere without him.

I go to evening classes and, even when he is at work, he calls me to find out if I am at home as yet.

At times, I am with my friends. If I tell him I am with friends, he tells me to find myself home.

I told him I am not a child. He said I am a child for him. He is 30. One day when we were together, one of my friends called to me. I stopped to say hello. He said, "You looking good. How you do?" I said, "I am alright."

When we walked off, he questioned me about the man and wanted to know where I knew him from.

My father is in Canada. I told him that I have a boyfriend. He spoke to him and told him to treat me right.

He told my father he believes I am cheating because I am popular with the guys. My father told him have been popular doesn't mean I am cheating. I was very upset with him.

I have never cheated on him. He is not my first boyfriend. When I met him, I told him I had a boyfriend before. He doesn't trust women. He said every woman he had cheated. I am not going to cheat on him, but am tempted to leave if he doesn't stop accusing me.

My mother doesn't have the convenience. She has a boyfriend. All of us had to sleep in the same room.

I have seen my mother having sex with her boyfriend many times. He doesn't care. One night they were having sex and I wanted them to know I was not sleeping so I cleared my throat. He never stopped.

I got up and went outside and was outside. I was outside for more than an hour to give them time. When I came back they were still having sex. That is when I made up my mind to leave home, to live with this man.

I give my mother money from what this man gives me. I would like to finish school to help my younger sister and brother who are at home.

My boyfriend says he would like us to get married but I can't marry a jealous man.

I told my father to try and get me to come to Canada. He promised to help me.


Dear S.H.,

First of all, let me address the issue of your mother allowing her man to and stay with her in a one-room house and having sex with him.

I want you to know that many young people are faced with the same problem.

Men go to spend time with women and there is absolutely no privacy. They have sex with these women in the same room with children. Sometimes the children are very much aware of what is going on. Your letter is not unusual. I hope one day your mother will receive deliverance.

This man with whom you are having an intimate relationship is behaving as a fool. He is old enough to understand that if a woman wants to cheat, there is nothing a man can do to stop her.

He can watch her until his eyes drop out. She will cheat if she has the desire to do so. If a man wants to cheat, a woman can try to watch him as much as she wishes. The opportunity will come for him to carry out his desire.

Trust is important in any relationship. If there is no trust, a couple should go their separate ways. Your boyfriend can be described as arrogant, unintelligent and naive. You have a right to choose your friends. You are not to reject your friends because you have a boyfriend. He told you that his former girlfriends cheated on him. That is the excuse jealous men make all the time. Perhaps they did not consider him a good man.

In any case, he is so jealous that he might have accused them of cheating when they never did. You simply greeted an old friend and he had to question you about this friend. Only foolish men behave that way.

I hope your father will be able to help you to go to Canada.

Jealous men don't change easily. He called you a child. He is an out-of-order man. You should seriously consider finding a way to leave this man.

Your father should be taken into your confidence. Tell him what you are going through. I am sure he will do his best to help you.


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