Dead husband's friend pressuring me for sex


May 18, 2016

Dear Pastor,

Please give me your advice. My husband died two years ago. Since his death, his friend has been coming around.

He has been very helpful to me. If I need anything done on the house, he does it for me. He drives, so he takes me to the supermarket. He also takes me to Coronation Market.

Sometimes he comes to do the plumbing. He likes me, but I do not pay him any attention. I offered him money but he has never taken any from me. He says he can't take my money because we are good friends.

My children don't like him. They told me not to encourage him to come around. I am really worried because he has been asking me for sex. He is not my type of man. He doesn't know good English.

Whenever he touches me and I pull away. He wants to know if I scorn him. I told him my body is not ready for another man. He doesn't understand that.

Whenever I think of a man and sex, I think about my husband who died. I don't know when I am going to get over my husband.

I don't want to tell my children that this man wants sex. They would run him. I need him around to help me from time to time. So, Pastor, tell me how I can deal with this.


Dear Y.R.,

Why can't you learn to move around and get things done for yourself.

Your husband passed two years ago. You know his friend has been showing interest in you. I could understand at the beginning, you might not have thought he had ulterior motive. You probably thought he wanted to help you until you got accustomed to the loss of your husband. However, if everything you ask him to do, he is quite willing to do without getting paid, you should know he wants to become your lover.

It is not too late to bring this 'special' relationship you are having with this man to an end because you are trying to say you do not love him.

Here is what I suggest, stop asking this man to do errands for you. Go to the market for yourself. You do not drive, so take the bus. If you don't want to ride the bus, let your children help you.

Whatever plumbing work you have to do, call the plumber. If he asks why you have stopped using him, tell him the truth. You know your children don't want him around. Don't be afraid to tell him that your children are not encouraging you to get into another relationship.

Stop fooling this man. Don't give him the impression that you want him around when, in fact, you are only using him.


Other Tell Me Pastor Stories