My wife confronted a woman I slept with


May 18, 2016

Dear Pastor

I am a 50-year-old man and I am under stress. At present my wife and I are at loggerheads. My wife behaves antisocial sometimes. However, she has a clique of friends. They meet and play their games, they are card players. Sometimes they are at my home and other times they go out. I am not interested in going anywhere with my wife and her friends.

I like to go out on Friday nights or on a Saturday night. I like my dominoes and I drink my white rum, but I don't get drunk. I got myself in trouble with a bartender, but I quickly straightened that out when I saw the relationship was threatening my marriage. One night, this girl slipped me a note and I put it in my shirt pocket. I forgot it was in there and my wife searched my pockets and saw it. I don't believe she was looking for anything special. She wanted to clear my pockets before putting them in the washing machine. The girl was asking me to help her pay her child's school fees, but she went on to suggest how she could repay me. We became intimate. My wife accused me of having an affair with this girl. I gave her the money and took her up on the offer, but my wife does not know that I had sex with her. It only happened once.

My wife went to the girl's workplace and cursed her, and the girl took her on and told her some big 'bad words' and lied on herself by telling my wife that I am her man and there is nothing she can do to stop it. After nearly 40 years of marriage, why would I destroy my married life that way? I spoke to the bartender and she told me that she was only responding to what my wife told her.

The thing is that this girl has no feeling of remorse. I have been coaxing my wife everyday and trying to calm her down by telling her that I was only trying to help this girl to pay her child's fees and there is nothing between us. Pastor, what can I do?


Dear B.O.,

You should know that all women search the clothes pockets of their men. Some do so frequently looking for money. Women always need money, so they say. It seems to me that the whole thing started innocently. The bartender needed some money to help her child to go to school. She asked you for help, but she also knew the majority of men don't give women money unless they get something in return. Some men tell the women that they have to 'let off', so she offered to do so. You probably would not have made that suggestion to her as a good man, but she probably felt that sex would have been a good incentive to get what she wanted from you.

She got her money and you got the sex and your wife was able to find out that you cheated. It is unfortunate that your wife approached this woman, but you have to know that she wanted this woman to know that both of you have been married for long time and there is no way that she was going to let her take you way from her. Your wife has the right to protect her marriage, and this out-of-order bartender should not have used expletives to your wife.

It seems to me that you have to continue to sleep in the dog house for a long time. Now when you want to go and play your dominoes, your wife is going to be suspicious of you. So I suggest that when you are with your friends and you are giving them 'six love' or they are giving you 'six love', call your wife and assure her that you are behaving yourself, and let one of your domino partners confirm that you are speaking the truth. Some women don't have any respect for the wives of men who cheat. I hope that you have spoken to this bartender and told her that although you had an affair with her, your wife will always be number one in your life, therefore you expect her to have respect for her.


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