In love with my friend's fiance

by

May 19, 2016

Dear Pastor

I would like to tell you a problem that is a big bother to me. I am 27 years old and I am working. From I was 151/2 years old I have been having sex. The first man in my life was 20 and he was living with his girlfriend. I knew her; she was my friend although she was older than I was. One day I went to see her and she was not at home, but her boyfriend was there and we had sex, but we both promised not to say anything about it. After we had sex, I left before she came home. From that day I started to like that man so much. He gave me money. We used to hide and meet, and if we didn't have sex, he would suck my breasts to make me feel good.

I got a boyfriend when I was 18. He asked me if I ever had sex and I told him no. After we had sex for the first time, he told me I was a liar because every girl who had sex for the first time bleeds, and I did not bleed. I swore that I never had sex before and he said he checked the condom and there was no blood on it. I cursed him and we broke up.

When I got another boyfriend and we talked about sex, I told him I had sex before and that was the end of it. This man who had sex with me from the time I was 151/2 is still my good friend, but to this day his girlfriend and I are still friends and she does not know that I love her boyfriend so much. They are planning to get married and want me to take part in their wedding. I told the man I am not coming and he said that I am crazy. I can't bear to know that I am not going to be his bride. I have an American visa and I am going to go away at that time just to avoid the wedding. Why do I love this man so much? Do you think he tied me to him?

S.T.

Dear S.T.

You need to move on. You are 27 years old. You had a man who knew better than to have sex while you were under the age of consent. He spoiled you, and by that I mean he sent you on a downward path. He caused your life to go in the wrong direction. Life would have been so much different for you if this man did not encourage you to have sex with him. Both of you have got accustomed to fooling around with each other, and even to this day, the love you have for this man has not died. You have had boyfriends and you have lied to them about your sexual experiences.

You and your present boyfriend are getting along well, and now that this long-time boyfriend is getting married, you hate the very thought that you cannot be the one that he is getting married to. I repeat, you need to move on. I am not telling you to attend the wedding because you do not believe that you can deal with the fact that you are not going to be his wife. But I would suggest, however, that after you have returned from your trip you set an appointment with a family counsellor. It is time that you and this man end the intimate relationship that you have held on to for so long. Stop meeting him, stop calling him and stop going to his house. This man hasn't tied you, but you have allowed your emotions to tie you to him. If you continue your foolish ways it will take you to your grave.

Pastor

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