Can't trust my girlfriend after she cheated

by

May 20, 2016

Dear Pastor

I must commend you for the wonderful work you have done and continue to do. I have seen you give very wise counsel. I am in need of some myself.

I am a young man in a relationship that is approximately four years old.

I thought everything was going fine until November, last year, when my girlfriend got a phone call.

I found her behaviour, on that particular call, to be suspicious. She had taken many calls around me before. I had never suspected anything, but this one was different. After becoming a little more observant than I used to be, I found out, around January of this year, that she had cheated.

She claimed she did not have sex with the guy. She claimed that they kissed and touched a little, but never went all the way.

She also said the reason she never went all the way was because she isn't that type of person, even though she was caught in the situation, she just couldn't bring herself to having sex.

I can't say I believe her because I don't, but I don't have proof, disproving what she has said.

Pastor, we have, somewhat, decided to give the relationship another chance, after much begging and pleading on her part.

She even went as far as saying that if I wanted to cheat on her, to get even, she would accept it, knowing it's her fault why it happened in the first place. She's begging me to stay. She seems genuinely remorseful and I can see that she's trying to mend things.

She said she still wants us to get married and have kids, and all that we have planned before, but I'm having doubts.

The biggest problem I'm having now is that, come September, I'll be leaving Jamaica for a year to further my career. This was always in the plans before the cheating happened, so it's nothing new. However, since I don't trust her anymore, I'm wondering what will happen during that year, if we'll work out any at all.

I still love her but I don't trust her anymore. She said she has learnt her lesson the hard way, has seen what the ramifications of cheating are and isn't willing to go down that road again. I look forward to hearing your advice.

Confused

Dear Confused

The relationship you have been having with this woman is four years old. It must have been pretty good to last so long.

You are fortunate that this woman explained what had happened. If you accept what she said, you should give her another chance.

People can find themselves in situations that are tempting. She told you she did not have sex with the man you accused her of cheating with. They did not go all the way. She said they had kissed and fondled each other. That is going very far, but not all the way. If she did not go all the way, she is very strong.

No man wants to know another man has fondled or toyed with his woman. If this is all that this woman did and you love her dearly, don't you think you can forgive her? It was indiscretion on her part and she has begged you to forgive her. Suppose she had found out that you had played around with another woman, and you asked her to forgive you, wouldn't you be happy that she did?

Here is what I am trying to say to you, stop behaving as if this woman is trash. Forgive her and move on. She deserves a second chance. If she messes up again, you will have good reason to walk away for good.

Pastor

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