I can't stop thinking about my ex-boyfriend


May 26, 2016

Dear Pastor,

I have been reading your columns from I was young. I fell in love with a guy when I was 13. He was 16. He told me years after that it was love at first sight.

I am now 30 years old and I am married. But every time I hear his name I miss him and I cry. I had sex with him when I was 17.

He went to the States and we corresponded for a while until the relationship faded. I think if he had not left to live in America he would be my husband.

He was kind and soft-spoken and a gentleman in every way. I love my present husband, but he is nothing like this guy.

One night I was in bed with my husband watching television and this guy's picture came up and I shouted out. My husband asked me, what was the problem? He was on a team from America. He came to Jamaica to help with a project.

I tried to contact him while he was here, but was not successful. He went back to America and I was able to track him down.

When I told him that I was still in love with him, he was surprised. He said that he was married, but is now divorced. I am still married. My husband and I are happy together. But sometimes the thought about this man goes through my mind.

Am I committing adultery just by thinking about him? I have two children.


Dear C.O.,

If you are thinking about this man in a sexual way and pining over him and longing to be intimate with him, then you might consider that as adultery. However, I am not absolutely sure. Some may not agree with me and I will not argue the point. What I am trying to say is, if you fantasies over this man and would wish to be with him, that cannot be right because you are already married, and you should enjoy sexual pleasure with your husband. If you are saying that from time to time you think about this man, who was your first lover, and you wonder how he is doing, I do not think that that should be considered adulterous. I believe, however, that if you continue to try to go out of your way to seek sexual pleasure from this man, you are heading for trouble. You have a good husband and both of you are getting along just fine. Stick with him and enjoy him and leave your old-time boyfriend alone.


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