In love with my incarcerated man's cousin


May 30, 2016

Dear Pastor:

I am 28. I have two children. I was living with my children's father for six years. He was a good father, but he got into trouble with the law and he is now incarnated. I am working, but I can hardly pay my bills. Sometimes it is rough, but I don't beg or complain. The children's father has a cousin. He is a big man and he has promised that he will help, and has been helping. The children love him and whatever they need and I tell him, he tries to provide.

There was a time when I had personal needs and I asked him. He told me that he would have to ask his wife. I told him that if he had to tell his wife, he shouldn't bother. I needed tyres for my car and I told him. He bought the two tyres and told me where to go get them fitted.

I have got to love this man. I know it is not right because he is the cousin of my boyfriend. He knows I like him becaused he asked me one day how I felt about him and I told him the truth.

He came to Kingston to take his wife to the airport for an early-morning flight. Both of them stayed with us. After taking her to the airport, he came back and went back to bed. I took the children to school and when I returned home, I made him breakfast. We started talking about us. He seemed nervous, so I told him that I was not forcing him into a relationship, but I just wanted him to know just how I felt about him. He went into the bathroom to have a shower and I went in and offered to scrub his back.


We had our first round of sex in the bathroom and another in the bedroom. He asked me what I was going to do with his cousin in prison. I told him that as soon as I got a better job, I would leave him.

This man has been trying to keep away from me. I can feel it. But I love him. I don't intend to continue loving his cousin because he can't help me. I did not intend on falling in love with this man. I can call him at any time. His wife is so pleasant. Whenever she answers, she asks about the children and then put him on. I wish I had him every night. I would never let him down.

My only problem is that I do not know how to break the news to my children's father, who is in prison. Should I tell him that I have a man friend when he asks if I have one? And what would I do when he has served his time and is out? Can I tell him that his cousin is now my boyfriend? Please help me.


Dear B.C.:

You had this affair all planned out with your man's cousin who is helping you to support his children. I believe that he meant well. I am sure that you have advised their father that you are receiving help from his cousin for them.

It did not appear at first that this man had an ulterior motive. His cousin is in prison and he is financially able to assist his children; no big thing. You created problems when you began to ask him for personal things. He felt that he should inform his wife of the type of requests you were making, and you promptly objected. You didn't want her to know because you knew she would become suspicious of you.


When this man and his wife spent the night at your house, it was because of convenience. He did not want to get up very early to drive to Kingston. After he dropped his wife at the airport and came back to your house and you took your children to school, you used the opportunity to entice him and he fell right into your trap.

When you offered to scrub his back, it was your way of introducing sex to him. And whether you had clothes on, you got him where you wanted him. It shows how clever a woman can be and the weakness of man. When it comes to women, and sex in particular, men are weak. Their knees give way and they find it difficult to run away. Instead, they run into trouble.

So where do you go from here? It seems that you are not prepared to end the relationship with this man. I am not saying that you are not lusting after him. Clearly, you are. But you are going to wreck his marriage if you continue to have an affair with him.

Therefore, I am going to beg you to let him go. You have had your fling. Tell the man that you would accept help for the children, but nothing more. For a grown man, he is naOve. It did not look that way in the beginning, but that is how it appears now.

If you intend to bring an end to the relationship with your children's father, tell him so, and give yourself time to find another man, but don't go further with his cousin. You do not have to tell him what had transpired between his cousin and you. If you were to tell him, he may create a lot of trouble for his cousin and for you. Please let me hear from you again.


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