I'm afraid to tell my parents of my pregnancy


June 02, 2016

Dear Pastor

I wrote you when I was in high school. I am pleased to tell you that after I graduated from high school, I went on to university and graduated from there, too. While I was at university, I carried on a secret relationship with a young man who told me he had a girlfriend. We were very close, and sometimes we shared intimate moments together. I saw danger blooming because someone told his girlfriend about us, and she called me and threatened me.

My father is an elder in his church and she threatened to tell everybody that his daughter was a whore. She also told me if I did not leave him she was going to stop supporting him. This guy and I met and we agreed to keep in touch by calls only. We did not text each other anymore.


One night he could not bear to be alone, so he called me and we agreed to meet at his friend's home. I did not go prepared to have sex, but we did. He told me to make sure to take the morning after pill, but I didn't. Now it appears as if I may be pregnant. I told him and he cursed and called me a fool. That was the first time he called me a fool. He has always said that I am smart; now suddenly I am a fool. And he is reminding me that he has his bona fide woman. I do not want to have an abortion. My problem is I don't know how to face my family. I am the only girl of four children. My mother has always said that my father spoiled me. As big as I am, whenever I go home, I sit in my father's lap. He told me that I am forever his little girl, but now his little girl is pregnant.


This guy told me that he will leave his girlfriend if I am willing to help him until he is finished with university. He said that he was thinking of leaving her before he accidentally got me pregnant. I don't know if I can believe him. I blame myself. I knew he was not a Christian, but he is such a romantic guy.

Pastor, please help me. My tummy is not showing as yet, but I am wearing loose clothes. How can I introduce this guy to my parents? I told him that we should get married quietly, but he is not for that. We talked about abortion. He said that it is up to me. Help me, I am so embarrassed.


Dear B.C.

Let me tell you straight up. Don't marry this guy. Don't make that mistake at all. You have already made a big mistake by becoming sexually involved with him. Don't try to cover up what happened by getting married to him. Don't terminate the pregnancy either. What is done is done. It is not difficult for girls to get involved with guys after leaving home and attending institutions of learning, especially when these girls were sheltered at home. However, I am convinced that it is not the institution that one attends that can spoil you; it is having the wrong focus and the company you keep.

So what am I trying to say? I am trying to say that you should inform your parents that you are pregnant. They are going to be shocked. They may have sleepless nights, but the news will not kill them. And yes, they are going to be embarrassed at church. But the mature Christians will give them the support that they will need. The members will also encourage you to be strong and not to give up the Christian faith.

The young man who got you pregnant suggested that you should help to support him while he is in university. He sounds like a trickster to me. You should tell him to stay with his girlfriend and when he starts to work, you expect him to help to support his child. I repeat: Don't marry him. It is never good for a couple to get married because the woman got pregnant.

Why is it that this guy did not tell you that he and his girlfriend weren't getting along and he was planning to leave her? Don't believe him. Let him deal with his girlfriend. He will have to explain to her why he got you pregnant. I could hear him say to her "I made a mistake. I don't like the girl. She pushed herself on me. I am sorry." He might even say that you are a bad girl and the child that you are carrying is not his because he used a condom. So be prepared, she may call you and curse you and tell you to go find the father of the child.


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