Should I tell her I am her real father?


June 04, 2016

Dear Pastor

I listen to you every night on the radio and read your column every day.

In 1996, I had a fling with a woman. I only had sex with her once, so you may call it a one-night stand. I can never forget that night. We were at a dance and danced together. Her boyfriend was there. They got married later. He was busy at the bar.

During the dance, this girl and I went outside, got into the back of my car, and had sex.

I could not even go back into the dance because the front of my pants was all messed up. I stayed outside but she went back in.

A couple of months after she told me she was pregnant and it could be my child. Her boyfriend believed the child was his, so they got married. This woman and I knew the child was mine. People say she resembles me. My mother told me the child is mine and she knows. She has never had another child. I have two children. I asked the child's mother if her husband had ever questioned her about the child and she said no. She said she wished we could do another quickie because she would like to have another child. Nothing is happening with her husband.

I know she was joking about wanting us to have sex again. That is not on my mind. What is on my mind is when should we let this child know the truth? I have never given this child anything. Nobody has to convince me that the child is mine. She does not carry my name. My wife has never asked me about the child.

I have two boys with my wife. Should I reveal this secret to this woman's husband? I do not want to die and the child does not know that I am her real father.


Dear C.T.

Why don't you keep quiet? I have received similar letters in the past. It seems as if men love to have sex with other men's women and, when they become pregnant, the women give the children to the men with whom they are living.

This woman suspected that you were the one who got her pregnant but because her boyfriend was trying to impregnate her, she knew he wouldn't question whether he was the one who got her pregnant.

If you are, indeed, the father of the child and she was aware of it, she deceived her man.

Twenty years have gone by. You believe that you are the biological father of this young woman. But don't you know that if you were to declare now to the husband that you had a sexual relationship with the woman and have a good reason to believe that you are the father of this child, you are going to destroy their marriage. Whether you believe it or not, that is exactly what you will be doing. If anybody should say something about it, it should be the child's mother. And she should probably do so to her daughter. What is done is done. It cannot be changed.

You claim you have not done anything for this girl. Do you want to do something now? I think it's late in the day. This young woman has not known any father but her mother's husband. Let things remain how they are.

I repeat. If anything is to be done, allow the mother to do it. The risk is great. Her husband might walk away from her and call her a deceiver. And what would you do? Would you take her over completely? Leave this matter alone.


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