Is my ex-boyfriend my soulmate?


June 06, 2016

Dear Pastor,

I am reaching out to you to hear your thoughts on my situation. I am 27 and living in the United States (born and raised in Jamaica). I recently graduated with a master's degree. To date, I have three college degrees. I have a great career and I own my own house. I have been single for one year and one month. Since February, I started communicating with my ex-boyfriend who lives in Jamaica (who relocated from the US to Jamaica about two years ago).

I made it clear that we can talk generally, but we will not rekindle our relationship. My ex and I dated since 2009; however, we broke up for a year in 2011. Ever since, we have been on and off. I found out that he was messing with a girl that he 'used to date'. As soon as I found out and saw proof, I broke up with him. He did everything to prove that he was no longer dating her but she was doing stuff for attention - I did not believe it. We did not communicate for over eight months. I was fine as I was living and enjoying my life.


The problem is that for some reason, I can't find anyone that I feel connected to. A lot of guys try to date me but they are not my type. I choose not to settle down because I want to make sure that I at least feel good about the guy that I date. I am not going to date someone just to say I am in a relationship. I don't consider myself to be too picky; however, I do have preferences. I am a very hard worker and I go after what I want. I want a man whose vision is aligned with mine. I want a man that follows his dreams and make things happen. I don't want someone that is dependent on me, or one that doesn't chase his dream or doesn't have any dreams.

My ex-boyfriend is very successful; he is a hard worker. That is one of the things that I love about him. He is also much older than I am (mid-40s). Since lately, I have been thinking if he is really my soulmate. He claims that he is thinking about relocating to the US and we can have the family we always spoke about (he already has kids - I don't).

I am not one of them gullible young girls who just believe anything - so it's not like he can play me and I just fall for it. I have been turning him down because I just don't know if I can trust him again. I still do love him and have always been faithful to him, but I just don't know if I could still trust him the way I used to. He's very successful and I am sure most of the girls in Jamaica see him as a financial opportunity. I don't ask him for anything. When he lived in the US, he gave me the world. He played his role as a man. However, I have always been independent, so I never depended on him. Do you think I should just let him go, or maybe there's hope for our relationship?


Dear T.,

This man who is in his mid-40s is the man you genuinely love, so stop pretending. Whenever you are in Jamaica or both of you are abroad together, make an appointment to go and see a family counsellor together. Right now, it appears that this man is your soulmate. You will never find a perfect man. You have not mentioned your faults, but I know you have many.


Other Tell Me Pastor Stories