I'm seeing two men, who should I choose?


June 07, 2016

Dear Pastor,

I am 22 years old and my boyfriend is 26. He has his own house and car. I am currently in college. I love my boyfriend very much and I know he loves me, but sometimes he just ignores me for up to a week because he says that I am not spending enough time with him and I should come and live with him. Whenever I am spending time at his house, it is the best time of our lives, but once am back at my regular home, he doesn't want to communicate with me.

My mother is the one paying my tuition fees and my father gives me money sometimes. My boyfriend, on the other hand, doesn't give me money if I don't ask him for it. I know things are not going well for him, but I think he can do better. I have to continue asking before I receive it, so sometimes I just don't ask for it.

We have been together for four years now, and he wants me to have his baby. I really want to give him a child, but I have to finish school first. However, based on my health issues, I don't think I would be able to get pregnant. I talked to him about it, but he doesn't believe me. He said that he wants us to get married and start a family, which I really want, too, but I don't know what to think of it because he has another girlfriend.

He was my only boyfriend, but when I found out that he had another woman, I was really depressed. I confronted him, and, of course, he denied it. But in that same period of time, I had a soldier friend who was always asking me to be with him, so I gave it a try. He is kind and loving; he buys me gifts all the time. He gives me money to go to school. I don't even have to ask him for it. But I don't see him often, probably once a month. He said he would like for us to get more serious with the relationship and get married, and he will send me to school.

But he has a baby mother, and I told him I don't want to be the reason for their break-up, so I won't consider getting married to him. He told me that if I allowed my boyfriend to get me pregnant, he would go out of his mind. I am afraid of the soldier guy because he is very ignorant.

I am really confused right now because my right-out boyfriend is not treating me so well lately and the soldier guy wants us to get married. What should I do, Pastor?


Dear P.P.,

It is not for me to tell you which of these guys is better for you, but you ought to use common sense. You shouldn't have two men in your life and be having sex with both of them. Some people may not agree with me, but the guy that you describe as your "right-out boyfriend" seems to have driven you into the arms of the solider guy. Of course, the solider was always in the wings but was only a good friend, hoping and wishing to get into your life, and when your "right-out boyfriend" started to ignore you and to pressure you to go and live with him, your thoughts of getting with the solider intensified. And you yielded to the thoughts and got involved with him.

I cannot understand why some men would have their girlfriends and the girls are in need and these men will be reluctant to offer them financial help. Your "right-out boyfriend" did not give you the type of help you expected from him. He knew that you needed help, but it was almost like you had to beg.

I am not saying that you should have got into a relationship with the solider. Some people may say that you are bad, but I understand how that happened. And which woman doesn't need a kind and caring man and one who would offer money to her from time to time?

Now, listen to me. I cannot encourage you to have both men in your life, but I have said enough so that you should be able to make your own decision, and I wish you well.


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