My grandfather tried to have sex with me


June 08, 2016

Dear Pastor

I hope this message gets to you in a good state of mind. This is my second time writing to you.

I was pleased with the advice you gave me in response to my first letter, so here I am again.

I am an 18-year-old female furthering my studies. The problem I am having this time is the level of depression I am faced with at home.

I live with my mother, grandfather and two siblings. We all have different fathers.

My siblings are younger than I am. They are still attending primary school. I don't feel comfortable living there anymore. I feel as if I am suffocating, living in this house, more so the community.

There is no opportunity in this community as it relates to work so I told my mother I want to leave, after I finish school, to live with my father, who lives in an urban area.

She often discourages me, telling me I can't leave her alone with my siblings, and I am inconsiderate.

I must say, Pastor, she often uses that as an excuse for me not to go anywhere. I go nowhere with teens my age nor have any free time for myself.

She often tells me how selfish I am. I think about no one but myself.

I don't think I am. I have other plans, to move from this parish and better myself. I can't stay here.

She is planning to leave the island soon. It seems she wants me to stay here to take care of my siblings, or take them with me to live with my father, which is not possible because, as I said, we all have different fathers.

My sibling's fathers do not take much care of them. My mother takes care of them by herself.

My father is the type of man who, if my mother wants anything for my siblings, he gives it to her, even though they are no longer together. However, for them to stay with him, I don't think he will allow that.


My mother's father (my grandfather) tried to sexually harass me twice. This happened four years ago. When I told my mother about it, she didn't believe, at first, but I showed her some texts he sent to my phone.

She was really ashamed of her father. However, to be frank, I haven't healed. I wake up every day wishing I didn't have to see his face or exchange a single word with him.

My mother, on the other hand, thinks I am over it, because I have not said anything about it. Sometimes I feel his eyes on me whenever I am doing anything. It is so uncomfortable.

A leopard can never change his spots. I don't trust him one bit. I still think he has sexual thoughts of me.

I have all this anger and depression built up inside. I look him in his face every day and still remember what he did and how angry and violated I felt. I think I need professional help.

My mother is too shamed to talk about it. The house we are living in belongs to him, so she can't tell him to leave.

All of this is completely draining me, which is why I want to leave. I can't study in this environment. I have to go to bed early and wake up in the middle of the night when everyone is asleep.

I have migraines for days due to the level of depression and stress I am up against. I urgently await your response.

Depressed teen

Dear Depressed teen

If your mother sees this letter and my response, tell her you contacted me because you felt you needed help.

I believe your mother is doing her best and should not be condemned by anyone. However, she needs to treat you with respect and remember you are no longer a child. You are an adult.

She is overprotective of you. You could have been a bad girl, but you are not. She needs to give you space so you can enjoy your teenage years with your friends, etc. She needs to learn to trust you.

Your grandfather is grossly immoral. The thought of wanting to have sex with you should have never crossed his mind. I do understand why you are so uncomfortable living in the same house with him.

I am trying to make arrangements for you to see a psychologist. I will let you know the date and time. In the meantime, I ask you to be strong. Pray and ask God to give you peace of mind.


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