My husband has too many women
I am confused. I do not know if I should fight for my marriage or call it quits.
A family member who I visited regularly in the United States encouraged me to overstay.
To cut a long story short, she treated me horribly to the point at which I left to stay with a male friend until I could get somewhere to rent.
We ended up getting married after living together for four months. Before we got married, he was in a relationship so we decided to keep our marriage a secret. He stayed in that relationship until the lady broke it off eight months later.
I doubt my husband has ever been faithful to me. He has women calling his phone at two in the morning. He never has time for me.
Almost every night I sleep alone as he always has somewhere to go or something to do and comes in early in the morning.
Whenever I ask him where he was, he says it is his business. My husband is 21 years my senior and has four children, none of whom live with us.
I am now pregnant with my first child. I have been pleading with my husband to spend time with me in order to strengthen our marriage. He is still not willing to compromise.
When we go out, he tends to be looking at other women, sometimes even engaging in conversation while I am there.
I am very lonely. I have no one here in this country but him. I do everything by myself because he is never home.
Pastor, he goes to work at 6 a.m., comes home at 5 p.m., leaves the house at 6 p.m. and returns after 3 a.m. the following morning. That's the routine.
He went to Jamaica two months ago. Searching his phone, I found out that he had unprotected sex while there. I confronted him about it. Instead of apologising, he started arguing with me about invading his privacy.
I can't believe he would put me and our unborn child at risk. We don't use condoms. I sternly told him, if he is cheating, to use condoms at all times. I feel really stupid, Pastor. I feel like I condone his cheating because am desperate and lonely.
It is now at a point where he is comfortable telling me about other women. I pretend it is OK.
I am not working. He does take good care of me financially. My friends and neighbours think we are the perfect couple, but I know I am living a lie. I am not happy.
I know it will be a struggle, financially, if I leave him, but I am willing to walk away. I brought nothing financially to our relationship except for the months I was working. He has two houses, two luxury jeeps and a booming business.
I can't tell the last time he gave me a compliment. I do everything for him except cook. I always tell him how good he looks when he is going out. He is yet to say thank you. He does tell me he loves me. I do believe him, sometimes. I also believe he is not satisfied with me anymore, but because he knows I am loyal to a fault and take care of everything for him, that is why he has not left.
I feel that after having my child, securing a job and saving a substantial sum, I should leave.
Should I try to save my marriage?
Dear Confused Wife
Let's reason. Are you ready? You moved in with this man and got married to him for convenience.
It was a relationship with benefits. You always knew this man was wild. He has never been satisfied with having one woman. Why do you believe then that after marrying you he would have changed?
What do you have that the other women didn't have? They were not able to cool him, neither are you. This man has to run his course until he can't go anymore. The only thing that can change this man is a mighty spiritual encounter with his God.
You have a big problem on your hand. I am sure you have shed many tears, but are not in a position to walk away from your husband.
It wouldn't make any sense at all if you were to do so. I know there are a lot of people who will try to throw stones at me for telling you to remain with your husband, but I know what I am telling you makes sense.
You probably should make an appointment to see a counsellor to help you learn how to cope with this man. Perish the thought of leaving him. If you do, you may suffer for a long time. Sometimes it takes a woman a long time to bear her burden, but God is able to strengthen and sustain her.
You may put your plans in place if, after a long while, you do not see any future with this man, but I am warning you don't be in a hurry to leave. Please write to me again.