My husband raped me

by

June 09, 2016

Dear Pastor,

I am writing to you with tears in my eyes. I am married, but this is my second marriage. I have two children, one with my former husband, and the other with my present husband. I have a good job.

I met my second husband soon after I got divorced. I was really down and he was there for me. He comforted me and helped to bring me back to myself.

My first child is a boy. His father didn't want to have anything to do with him after he realised that another man was visiting me. He wanted me to turn over my boy to him and I refused to do so. He threatened to take me to court, but a lawyer told me that I should not let that scare me. Then he lost his job, and that was the end of his threats.

This other man and I got serious with each other after I saw how well he was treating me, and how he played the role of a father to my son.

Before we got married, two of my brothers helped me to buy a house. I didn't tell them that I might get married to this guy. One of them did not question it when he found out, but the other did and he wasn't pleased.

We got married and both of them came to the wedding. In fact, most of my relatives came, including my former mother-in-law. She is still my friend even though her son and I broke up. She said I am still her daughter.

After I got married my husband changed. He started to find faults in everything I did. He got me pregnant. It was something planned. But while I was pregnant by him, he also got his girlfriend

pregnant.

This girl was at our wedding too. She gave a toast, but I did not think anything of it. Looking back now, I could see that I was naOve, because he was always talking about her and how good a girl she is.

This thing affected me mentally. I asked him why he had to get this girl pregnant, and his only answer is that it was a mistake.

Nothing is wrong with me, Pastor, I am physically fit. Everybody tells me I am beautiful. Some of my family members are telling me to leave him. It is scary right now. I have no feelings for my husband. I do everything as usual for him, expect have sex with him. I make sure that the house is taken care of and that he get his meals.

I moved out of the bedroom for a short period, but when my older son asked me why I was not sleeping with daddy, I moved back in. We have had sex, but he fought me for it. Turning my back to him was the worst thing that I could have done. I was half-asleep when he started to harass me.

Nobody in my family wants to talk to him. I am trying to keep them out of my problem. I am so unhappy with this man. The woman who has the child for him is financially independent. I asked him if this woman gives him money and he asked me why did I have to asked him that question. He says that he is not having sex with the woman anymore. But how can I be sure that he is telling me the truth? What about when I am not in Jamaica? Please, pastor, give me your advice.

T.H.

Dear T.H.,

First of all, let me begin by saying that I am sorry to know that you are very unhappy in your relationship. You had a bad first marriage and it affected you. And this man came into your life, treated you like a lady and you fell in love with him. You did not say whether the both of you attended premarital counselling. What is evident is that he wooed you and you fell for him. You wanted a father for your son and he played that role very well.

Unfortunately, he let you down by becoming involved with another woman. He is a very careless man. His action was reckless. He said it was a mistake, but it could be a very costly mistake. You have very good relatives and they are standing with you. But be very careful in what you do. Whether you end the relationship or remain with your husband, it is a decision that you and only you should make. I believe that both of you need to see a family counsellor. You cannot continue to live as enemies. You are hurting, emotionally and physically.

I commend you for being a very wise woman. You have continued to take care of him, except for meeting his sexual needs. Please, talk to your husband; and both of you should agree to see a counsellor.

Pastor

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