My wife cheated ith six men


July 11, 2016

Dear Pastor,

I am very glad to write to you for the first time. Your column does not miss me. I want to commend you for the great work you are doing.

I have been married for 23 years. My wife puzzles me. She has many virtues, but she has a terrible shortcoming.

She has cheated on me with six different men, two of which she confessed to me. I have solid proof of the other four

I have suspected that she has had sex with four other men, but I do not have solid proof on those cases.

I know you may think I am a little paranoid, but I don't think I am.

She has been a cheater since she was my girlfriend, but we did not break up at that time because I was going through a difficult emotional situation and I did not have the courage to do so.

I can remember my mother, brother and neighbour warning me twice about two different situations my wife was in.

Pastor, would I be considered a very cowardly man for staying with such a woman? Sometimes she belittles me in public and it is because she loves tall men; unfortunately, I am just 5ft 5".


Despite her flaws, I have never abused her in any way, nor has she gone to bed hungry.

I have been away from the home for a couple of years now and I am thinking of divorcing her. I have never felt loved by this woman.

The reason why I stayed with her was because I did not want another man to raise my two lovely daughters.


Dear Confused,

Why are you writing now? Is it that you feel that you cannot take anymore of this woman's behaviour?

You said that the both of you have been having a relationship for 23 years and even before you got married you knew she was a cheater.

It was not a secret. Why did you marry her after knowing that she was cheating? Did you really believe that she would have stopped?

Evidently, this woman is a sex addict and needs professional help. She needs to see a qualified sex therapist, and I am not talking about people who claim to be sex therapists, and are not trained in that field.

I am talking about persons who are university-trained and who are recognised by the medical fraternal.


Nothing you do will stop her from cheating. Some men make the mistake by beating their women when they discover that they are constantly cheating, but that is not the answer.

Even if a man severely beats his wife after discovering that she constantly cheats, she will do the same thing the following day, especially if it is with an old boyfriend.

Such women don't have to be in need financially, they are helpless when it comes to sex.

Psychologist are still baffled by what is a sex addict. Dr Michael Herkov, PhD says the following: "Sexual addiction is best described as a progressive intimacy disorder characterised by compulsive sexual thoughts and acts. Like all addictions, its negative impact on the addict and on family members increases as the disorder progresses. Over time, the addict usually has to intensify the addictive behaviour to achieve the same results. For some sex addicts, behaviour does not progress beyond compulsive masturbation or the extensive use of pornography or phone or computer sex services. For others, addiction can involve illegal activities such as exhibitionism, voyeurism, obscene phone calls, child molestation or rape.

"Sex addicts do not necessarily become sex offenders. Moreover, not all sex offenders are sex addicts. Roughly 55 per cent of convicted sex offenders can be considered sex addicts. About 71 per cent of child molesters are sex addicts. For many, their problems are so severe that imprisonment is the only way to ensure society's safety against them."

Having said the above, there must have been something in this woman that caused you to love her.

You claim to know the number of men with whom your wife has gone, but you did not divorce her because you did not want your children to grow up with another man.

That is a very silly reason for staying with her because, although you were there, she was having her time with other men and you were unable to stop her. Perhaps the men you are accusing of having sex with her were not all guilty of doing so. Sex addicts are not fools and you cannot watch them 24/7. They will beat you to it.

You have solid reasons, however, for wanting to divorce wife, but as your children's mother you should encourage her or get professional help before she totally destroys herself. This woman should not be condemned, some men are sex addicts, too, and people excuse them by just calling them womaniser, 'gallis', etc. They, too, need help.

Before I go, let me say nothing is beyond God's reach. God is able to give them total deliverance.


Other Tell Me Pastor Stories