My man gives me everything...except sex


July 12, 2016

Dear Pastor,

This is the first time I am writing to you, but I read your column every week. Every day I say to myself that I am going to write you because you give good advice.

I am 24 years old and I am living with a 65-year-old man. When I met him two years ago, everything was all right. He was able to have sex with me, but it seems that since his wife divorced him, he has been going downhill and fretting.

They were married for 23 years. She used to buy and sell. He gave her everything. He even helped her to build a house for her mother in the country.

She started to stay away from him for long periods of time and then she informed him that she was not coming back.

Then he met me. I started treating him well and he gained some weight.

Whenever we went out he would introduce me as his niece. He never introduced me as his girlfriend. He said that people should not know his business and that his wife had left him.

I don't want to be ungrateful to this man. Since I have been with him, I have saved $300,000 out of what he gives me for myself.

However, these days, my sex life is boring and he knows that. Sometimes it takes him days before he can have an erection and he has to be using his mouth on me. For hours, he will only play with me. He went to the doctor, but nothing has improved.

A lot of guys love me, but since I have been with this man, I have never cheated on him.

He did not want his wife to divorce him. He told me he can't trust women again, not even me.

I have plenty opportunities to cheat on him. He belongs to a certain club, and when he is gone to meetings, I am left alone and could invite a man to come and satisfy me sexually. But I respect this man and I don't want to be ungrateful to him, and I believe that he would marry me when he gets over the shock of the divorce.

I don't have any children and he does not have any with his wife, but he had one son before he got married.

His son lives in Canada. The first time he came to Jamaica and I was with this man, he didn't allow me to stay at his house.

While his son was here, he sent for me and introduced me to him and his son told him that I was young and pretty and he should stay with me. So he turned to me and said, "You gone clear". I don't know how long I can stand not having real sex. I love this man. I don't need anything apart from sex to make me happy. That is why I am asking for your advice.


Dear T.E.,

This man has proven that he loves you and his son is encouraging him to stick by you.

It is not many men who would take care of his home and give his woman enough money so that she can take care of herself and save.

Though I don't encourage women to live in concubinage, I must say to you, it would be unwise to walk away from this man.

Try your very best to help him to overcome his sexual problem.

You believe that the divorce has affected him, but there are many other things that can make a man suffer from erectile dysfunction such as diabetes, high blood pressure, and a whole lot more.

Therefore, you need to encourage him to make an appointment to see a urologist. Please accompany him when he is going to see the doctor.

This man can become your husband if you handle the matter right. Don't abandon him. A younger man might just use you for what he can get from you.

Therefore, if this man's age is not a bother to you, and you truly love him, help him.

I wish both of you well. Let me hear from you again.


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