Afraid to destroy my child's father's marriage life


July 15, 2016

Greetings in the name of Jesus. I am 23 and have a one-year-old baby girl.

I met her father in January 2014 and got pregnant for him the same year.

When I met him, I knew he was married. His wife was in Mandeville. We were in Kingston, so I decided we could work it out.

After I was pregnant, he stopped giving me things. For the nine months of my pregnancy, he did not give me money to buy things for the baby, neither medical bills after she was born.

She is one now and he still hasn't given me anything. At the end of the month, he gives me $5,000.

That can't help because she visits the doctor often and goes to day care. I find $12,000 per month for that, and more, for her necessity. Food is not included in that.

His excuse is that, after paying his bills, he doesn't have much. His family doesn't know about my baby. I guess he can't stop what he is doing because he doesn't want his family to find out, so my baby is suffering because of that.

He works with the Jamaica Defence Force and I am thinking to inform his commanding officer of the situation. On the other hand, I don't want to ruin his family life. All I want from him is to take care of our child.

I love him but can't allow love to keep my baby hungry and from not getting what she needs.

I am staying with my mom. I'ts causing a problem because I am not helping with bills like I am supposed to. They want me out.

I have nowhere to go. There are days I go without food because I don't want my baby to be hungry. All I want from him is to take care of our baby.

I cry at nights. During the day wondering what I should do. I walk to and from work and go without lunch because I can't afford bus fare and lunch.

My job pays me minimum wage every week. It can't help me. I can't buy my personal stuff. I have to be begging when I need it.

Pastor, I don't know what to do. I am asking for your help and advice.


Dear S.B.,

You made a fundamental mistake when you decided to continue having an intimate relationship after you were informed that this man was married.

Perhaps you thought he loved you more than his wife, would have divorced her and marry you.

What you are going through is partly due to the mistake you made. The child is here, she should not be allowed to suffer.

The father is not standing up to his responsibilities. Therefore, he should be forced to do so.

You seem to be concerned whether you would be destroying his marriage were you to insist he provides for his child.

Well, I am here to tell you that if you love your child, she sould be first in your life.

If this man wanted you to shield him, he should be providing for his daughter. He is ignoring you and treating you like a door mat.

You need to take him to court for child support. You are making sacrifices for your child. He should do his part. He is not responsible.

Though you were careless, this child did not come into the world independently. He planted the seed in you, so he should do everything possible to make his child happy.

Don't be afraid to take him to court. Tell the magistrate the truth and nothing but the truth. His wife will not leave him. She may raise hell, even curse you, but will stay with her man.

You will get the money you need to support your child and he will not have to behave as if he did not father a child with another woman while married.


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