My boyfriend has slept with many many women
A pleasant day to you. Keep up the good work. I read your column everyday because sometimes I face similar problems and your advice helps a lot. I have a big problem and it is taking a toll on my relationship. I'm just a young girl in my 20s and my boyfriend is a lot older than I am.
We have been together for 17 months now. In the early stages of the relationship, we both cheated because we weren't sure of each other. Besides, we met when we both had someone else in our lives.
As time went by our relationship became serious, so the cheating stopped. Well, for me at least. He, on the other hand, continued. We moved in together about three months into our relationship. Everything was going well until I started having doubts, because I got to find out that he slept with two of the women in the house where we were living, and on the same bed we slept on. I heard it from them because I pretended to be him and texted them from his phone. I didn't believe, but one of them could tell me exactly how our house is set up and the position of certain things. And when I confronted him, he told me that she knows because he told her - as if that was believable.
Time went by and I got over those incidents. We shared our past with each other, and after hearing his and having these experiences, I just don't trust him.
He was with someone and they were living together, and he slept with multiple women, some under her nose. He even got four of them pregnant. I didn't have these feelings until recently when he let a woman almost destroy our relationship. I didn't approve of their friendship and he said he would stop. But last week, I found out that he still calls her. He usually leaves in the morning to take his son to school and then comes back, but now he doesn't. I assume it's because he picks her up in the mornings and takes her to work. Whenever I call him, he says he is on a job, but his background at his so-called workplace is very quiet.
I'm afraid that I may go through the same thing that he put that woman through. I don't handle pain and hurt well, especially emotional pain. I have two kids, one with him and another one will be born in a month or so.
I don't want to have to find out about other women and then do something like killing him. I tend to have anger issues and I can't control myself when I am angry. I do love him, and I believe he loves me too, but maybe this is an addiction of his or something. I would like to give our relationship one last try.
What do you think? What should I do? Should I leave him and just have a mother-father relationship or should I try to restore the relationship? Do you think I can ever trust him again? Do you think he has potential or this is just a waste of time? Please let me know.
Would you be willing to counsel us?
Dear S. S.,
You had enough time to put this man aside and move on with your life, but you didn't. You have got deeper into the relationship and you are pregnant again. This man is clearly a womaniser. And you were aware of that for a very long time, but you stayed with him. By now, you know that you cannot change him. But you say you love him and you know he loves you. He surely has strange ways of expressing his love for you.
Frankly, after reading all that this man has done, I marvel that you are willing to remain in a relationship with him. Therefore, I am not inclined to tell you to remain or to go. That is a decision you would have to make on your own. Perhaps you would like to call a family counsellor for both of you to see him/her. I wish you both well.