I am 18 and my mother still searches my phone


July 20, 2016

Dear Pastor,

I am 19 years old and I am living at home with my mother and brother. We have a cousin who stays with us sometimes.

From I was young, my mother always searched my phone. She told me that she would stop when I turned 18. Now I was 18 and she still searches my phone.

I told my friends not to send me any rude text messages because my mother would read them. They laugh at me all the time and say that I am a little girl.

A boy sent me a text saying that every time he sees me walking, he gets an erection. I texted him back "LOL! You are crazy". I forgot to delete the messages.

My mother read what the guy said and my reply and accused me of turning 'big woman' in her house.

I didn't do a thing. I tried to explain to her that is what the guy said and I told him that he was crazy.

My cousin who stays with us sometimes is sexually active. My mother thinks the world of her. She does not go into her phone, but she goes into mine. I am not sexually active. I am still a virgin.

I know when my cousin is meeting with her boyfriend, and she lies to my mother.

Is it right for my mother to be cursing me and searching my phone?

My mother does not like my father. My father told me why he left my mother.

When I was 18, my father took me to the store to buy some new clothes and I asked him why he did not marry my mother.

He told me that while my mother was pregnant, he went to see her and he caught her in bed with another man. She was four months pregnant, so he was not sure if I was his daughter.

However, he gave her money to prepare for the baby. He said that it was after I was three months old that his grandmother told him that I was his daughter because I have everything for him.

He worried after he saw the man in bed with my mother and it caused him to get slim, because she was four months pregnant.

My mother does not like me because I resemble my father. She tells me every day that whenever I want to leave, I can go and live with him.

My father is married and has two other daughters. They are 12 and 14 years old. I love them.

Do you think it is right for my mother to be still searching my phone?

C. G.

Dear C. G.,

I don't wish to comment on what your father told you about your mother, except to say that I am glad he accepted paternity and that he has supported you over the years.

Your mother has failed to realise that you are not a child. If you wanted to have a boyfriend and have sex, she couldn't stop you from doing so.

I can understand why she checked your phone when you were younger, as one could say that she was trying to keep you out of trouble.

But at your age, she shouldn't be carrying on that practise. She is displaying ignorance, and she needs to stop.

Now, I am going to suggest that you put a code on your phone so that your mother will not be able to use it or search it.

I know that if you were to do so, she would hit the roof and curse and make all sorts of accusations; but, at your age, you deserve to enjoy a certain amount of privacy, and your mother ought to show respect to you.

You are an adult and should be treated as such, though you are living under her roof. You have not been rude to your mother. You deserve to have privacy.

You don't have to say anything. When you are going to your bed at night or you are not going to have your phone with you, turn it off and don't give anybody the pin number. Even if your phone was given to you by your mother, keep it locked when you are not using it.


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