My older man slapped me for cheating


July 20, 2016

Dear Pastor,

I am writing to you with tears in my eyes. I am 21 years old and I have a boyfriend. He was the only man I knew until I cheated on him.

I haven't stopped crying since I cheated because my friend found out and slapped me up.

I begged him to forgive me. Two weeks ago, he told me that he has forgiven me, but he will never trust me again.

My parents have 11 children between the both of them. From I was 15 years old, this man used to admire me.

I had to pass his business place, so he saw me all the time. He would call me 'nice girl' and encourage me to study hard.

When we became friends, he gave me money. When I was 17, I had sex with him for the first time. Nobody knew.

He was never married, but he had a woman who came from America and spent a few weeks with him every year. She is a big woman. I don't know her age, but when I got involved with this man, he was 55 and now he is 61.

When I wanted to go to college, he paid the money for me. I told him that I met a guy in college who likes me. He told me that I should make sure that I do not give him 'bun'.

The guy wouldn't leave me alone. One day I went out with the guy and I don't know how he found out, but he asked me about it and I lied.


One evening, I went to see the guy to help me with a project. Before we started to work on the project, we started to kiss, then we had sex.

We didn't bother to do the project, so we decided to meet again. I turned off my phone and my boyfriend was trying to reach me and couldn't. He never stopped calling me.

Some time after 10 that night when I turned my phone on, he called again. He was upset. The following day when I went to see him, I did not know what to say.

He asked me if I had sex with the guy and I told him no. He slapped me three times because I lied.

As I think about it, Pastor, this guy that I like has never given me anything. My boyfriend has given me everything. I am not in want of anything, so I shouldn't have cheated on him.


Every time he asked me if I had sex with the guy and I told him no. I can't say yes. He says he can't trust me. I want him to trust me.

I told the guy who helped me on the project that he got me into trouble. He wants to know why I prefer to have an old man in my life instead of a young guy. I told him that this man means more to me than him.

My boyfriend wants me to live with him. He said that his woman abroad heard about me and is not coming back to visit him. I am not living at home with my parents anymore. I am able to give my mother money every week because I am working.

I love this man, but I am scared of him. He can be rough. Every time we have a disagreement, he calls me a cheater. I will never cheat on him again. How can I get him to stop calling me a cheater?

P. W.

Dear P. W.,

I am not going to comment on the age difference between you and this man. That is something that the both of you have discussed, I am sure.

When you started dating this man, you knew his age, but it did not bother you.

When you had sex with him, you were over the age of consent. You haven't said that he forced you to have sex with him.

You were a bit naOve. Though this man treated you well, you got involved with another guy who is closer to you in age and you allowed him to have sex with you.

Now, this man should not raise the matter all the time with you. He is making you very unhappy and I am not sure if you were to tell him now that you had sex with the other guy, it wouldn't make any difference.

He is calling you a cheater, but he fails to realise that he has been cheating on you with the woman who is living in America. They have a relationship together and he has been cheating on her, too.

I suppose that he sees it as nothing. Where are you going with this relationship?

He wants you to come and live with him. You are 21 and he is 61. Are you prepared to be his woman for life? Do you think that you can remain faithful to him?

Though he has been very good to you, I am not prepared to encourage you to live with him.

Remember, this man is going to try to watch you 24/7. And most times when you leave the house to go anywhere, he might feel that you are going to meet with another man.

He slapped you and I am sure that if you are not careful or he becomes suspicious of you, he will do it again.

Stay where you are, do not go to live with him. You are working and living on your own. Do not have any discussion with his woman who lives abroad.

While you are in friendship with this man, do not go out or have sex with any other man.


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