My man is addicted to gambling
I have been reading your column for a long time and I hope you can help me.
I am a 30-year-old woman and I have three children. I got married when I was 21. Two of the children belong to my husband. The other one belong to the man with whom I am living.
My husband and I broke up. He was always accusing me of having men with him and it wasn't true.
It was the last straw when my husband beat me in the nude, called me a whore and told me what he will do with my private parts.
I was afraid to report him to the police. My father heard how he beat me up and went in search of him with a weapon, but didn't find him. He stayed away from the house for two weeks.
I went back to my parent's house. Then I met a man. He was married, but separated. I fell in love with him. The first time we had sex, I became pregnant.
About a year ago, he got his divorce and we moved in together. But he is a liar and a womaniser. He can't keep his penis in his pants.
I found out that his ex-wife and I are cousins. We met and talked over the whole thing.
To make a long story short, he is a gambler and he can't stop gambling. I can't put down any money. I knew he used to gamble before I went to live with him, but I didn't know that he gambled so hard.
My son had a bicycle. This man sold my son's bicycle and gambled the money, and then behaved as if the guy who had the bicycle stole it.
I told him he needs help, but he says that I need help more than he does. Right now he is not working and I am paying for everything.
I feel so fed up. My pay can't stretch anymore. I know I can't stay with this man if he continues to gamble. I don't like the running around. If I leave him now, people would say I am bad.
Every day I cry because I come from a good family. Although he is not working I make sure he gets his dinner, and I try to have sex with him because we live together.
Please give me your advice.
If this man refuses to stop gambling and also refuses to go for counselling, you should seriously consider leaving him.
You were abused by your husband and you had to give him up and return to your parents.
You have not said whether you got a divorce from your husband; I hope you have by now.
It seems to me, however, you have been very careless to allow this man to get you pregnant the very first time he had sex with you.
You further tied up your life with him. You did not know this man very well. If you knew him well, you would have known that he is a gambler.
At your age, you should know that when a woman meets a man, she should try to find out as much as she can about him; whether the things are good or bad.
No woman should allow a man to have sex with her and she doesn't know anything about his character. That is where you went wrong and, as a result, you are suffering for it.
Let me back up a little. I am glad that your father did not find your husband when he went after him; he would have surely got himself in trouble.
The man you are living with now ought to get himself a job. Even when he gets a job, I would not encourage you to stay with him unless he gets professional help.
Don't marry him or stay with him. He will bring you to nothing.